Weekend.
Things were good this weekend. Had a lot of fun, and too much beer, and too much Keystone Ice.
Keystone Ice, let me make some suggestions for anyone considering drinking this beer. Don't. The next morning - late afternoon you will feel so terrible, it will make you so unproductive, stick to keystone light and just drink more. It will make a noticible difference. Trust me.
So I have been continuing to talk to the Ex, its been fun, its been interesting and brings back a lot of feelings and it feels like we've always been talking. You know? I know that if nothing we can be good friends for sure, I feel like I want to be there for her, and that she will be there for me in the future. And thats important to me.
Next, religion again. I have another note to make. Religion is too large of a player in this presidential race, and in our world. It scary. Its dumb. Think about it. All religion is there for is to make people feel better about themselves and their death. And the death of others. So fuckin dumb. It makes people dumber, it makes people put their blind faith into some rediculous ideal. It ruins people, and instills prejudice. Think about gay marriage, think about slavery, major wars, on going oppression, all created by religion. It attempts to legimimize the most rediculous things. It is what it is I guess though.
Watching pearl harbour. this is a pretty good movie. Isn't it wierd that Japan was such a large enemy of ours, we went from destroying them with the A-Bomb to protecting them with our army because they have no standing army of their own. A very honorable thing in my oppinion. I feel like im mispelling alot of things, but it is what it is. This girl in the movie is so cute, who is it?
I really have to make a legitimiate promise to myself to go to the gym and start running because I am slowly gaining weight, and being fat is one of my worst fears. I never understood how people were able to allow themselves to become so overweight and im not even close to being overweight but I need to get back to a six pack. Big time necessity. The more I fuck the more I lose wieght haha so I should fuck a lot too.
Talks.
I had a really good talk with my mom and with my roommate this weekend. Breakthrough talks you know? You know what you are talking to someone and you know that you connected with them on a new level, doesn't need to be to large a step but they let you in just a little bit more, and you let them in just a little more. I really enjoyed these talks, I think it will help me help them more, and vice versa most likely. Theres that much less to be known about eachother and that much more that can be learned. I actually learned surprisingly that my mom was pregnant before she got married, she was pregnant with my sister before my parents were married and did mention that that was certainly a factor in their marriage. No wonder, two children, and thirteen years later they divorced. They dynamic of my family is very interesting. My dad is his own person, my mom wants to be like other people, my sisters are both angry and happy, both so similar that they can't get along, and I have my own oddities and inticacies that stop me from being close to many, but do allow me to be close to all of my family members. Immediate family atleast.
I have to get ready to go to class now so I'm going to do that. Ill catch u soon.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Earnest Makes Run
A whole new name. I don't know exactly what made me choose this name, it doesn't really have an exact meaning but I will come up with one, it represents my initials.
Market Watch
I'm watching a CNBC right now, 'Fast Money'! Boy is shit going crazy right now. It worries me, but at the same time, I'm confident that we will be bouncing back fairly soon. It's surely not going to be quick, but over a few months I think we will see markets stabilize and bounce back. I began investing more money actually. My portfolio is down 33%, but I can't let that stop me, I see all of this as an opportunity, everything is so down! Its like buying anything else cheap, cars, food, clothes, except instead of just stocking up this will end up worth a lot more then I purchased it at within a year I believe. I'm betting that I will be back up in two months from today.
Life Watch
My life is now stabilizing and will soon up turn again. I had sex with a new girl this weekend. Slam. Slam is my new word. So thats pretty good, it only happens so often haha, and im knocking down that to do list. Hopefully I'll get another girl this weekend(maybe tonight) or I'll get another one by next weekend is my certain goal. I attempted to write a few blogs but I got distracted. I feel that my game is at an all time high right now, and I believe its on the rise. I'll draw a graph when I get on my computer and post it up here. Day by day I see how girls really just want to fuck. They want to hook up, just like dudes do. My roommate(a girl) said a week ago before going out, "Can I make out with someone tonight?!" of course she can. Why not? And you know what making out leads to. Food. No, no, sex, duh. So, I'm pretty much banking on that theory. I just signed up for Twitter, under this name Earnest Meets Run, look it up, 'follow' me. I think I'm going to start spreading my seed around to all these social networking sites. They really interest me. They're fun, I read how they have surpassed porn, and that they 'are' porn. I believe it, its self gratification I guess. So what, I like being gratified lol. I'll tell you I do this more often then I do HW. I should be reading for class that I have in 50 minutes right now...but I'm not. I'll still get a 3.5, I believe I will. I'll do it.
I looked back to my old blogs a while ago, they really are all about the same thing, in the back of the day it was about girls, and my job, now its about girls and my life. Which was my job ha. I loved that job. But I wanted to specifically note about a blog I wrote about a year ago titled, "Out of Mind" experience. I haven't had any out of mind experiences any more. I used to have them consistently and now I no longer have them. I'm curious of what that means, no longer really viewing my life in that way. Anyway, I'm outtie mctoutie. I'll write again soon, don't you worry.
Market Watch
I'm watching a CNBC right now, 'Fast Money'! Boy is shit going crazy right now. It worries me, but at the same time, I'm confident that we will be bouncing back fairly soon. It's surely not going to be quick, but over a few months I think we will see markets stabilize and bounce back. I began investing more money actually. My portfolio is down 33%, but I can't let that stop me, I see all of this as an opportunity, everything is so down! Its like buying anything else cheap, cars, food, clothes, except instead of just stocking up this will end up worth a lot more then I purchased it at within a year I believe. I'm betting that I will be back up in two months from today.
Life Watch
My life is now stabilizing and will soon up turn again. I had sex with a new girl this weekend. Slam. Slam is my new word. So thats pretty good, it only happens so often haha, and im knocking down that to do list. Hopefully I'll get another girl this weekend(maybe tonight) or I'll get another one by next weekend is my certain goal. I attempted to write a few blogs but I got distracted. I feel that my game is at an all time high right now, and I believe its on the rise. I'll draw a graph when I get on my computer and post it up here. Day by day I see how girls really just want to fuck. They want to hook up, just like dudes do. My roommate(a girl) said a week ago before going out, "Can I make out with someone tonight?!" of course she can. Why not? And you know what making out leads to. Food. No, no, sex, duh. So, I'm pretty much banking on that theory. I just signed up for Twitter, under this name Earnest Meets Run, look it up, 'follow' me. I think I'm going to start spreading my seed around to all these social networking sites. They really interest me. They're fun, I read how they have surpassed porn, and that they 'are' porn. I believe it, its self gratification I guess. So what, I like being gratified lol. I'll tell you I do this more often then I do HW. I should be reading for class that I have in 50 minutes right now...but I'm not. I'll still get a 3.5, I believe I will. I'll do it.
I looked back to my old blogs a while ago, they really are all about the same thing, in the back of the day it was about girls, and my job, now its about girls and my life. Which was my job ha. I loved that job. But I wanted to specifically note about a blog I wrote about a year ago titled, "Out of Mind" experience. I haven't had any out of mind experiences any more. I used to have them consistently and now I no longer have them. I'm curious of what that means, no longer really viewing my life in that way. Anyway, I'm outtie mctoutie. I'll write again soon, don't you worry.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Girls, Girls, Girls
I dont remember what the last situation I wrote about last time. But anyway, I realized this week, and I do realize this from time to time but it is certainly even more clear now. There are so many sluts in this world, and at my school, and outside of my school, all grades. I mean, so many. And I'm not trying to put them down, do what you do, just live. Fuck, I'm trying to slut it up some more. I realized also that my game is at an all time high right now and it is only going to get better. I'm happy about that and ready to go out and give it another whirl with some more ladies. Obviously things are going pretty well lately, but I still do not have any real solid friendships or anything unfortunately. I have a few good friends but I really do think I need to expand my friendships with current friends and find new ones.
I worry a lot about pregnancy and getting STD's, and I dont think about it when I'm fucking haha. Its so dumb lol. But I'm not exactly trying to wait for marraige or anything. Hopefully I'm clean and I don't impregnate anybody. I really really hope. You know whats weird? We talked about religion a little while ago, and obviously I'm not religious at all. So why anytime that I need something that is out of my control do I immediately resort to praying? I'll think, man I pray shes not pregnant, or whatever. Please god help me blah blah. I mean I shouldn't be thinking that If I don't believe in a god necessarily...But I don't exactly not believe that there is a greater power or energy in the world, something greater then all of us. And this is what I may be kind of calling for. Its out of my hands, so who can I turn to? Only something greater.
I worry a lot about pregnancy and getting STD's, and I dont think about it when I'm fucking haha. Its so dumb lol. But I'm not exactly trying to wait for marraige or anything. Hopefully I'm clean and I don't impregnate anybody. I really really hope. You know whats weird? We talked about religion a little while ago, and obviously I'm not religious at all. So why anytime that I need something that is out of my control do I immediately resort to praying? I'll think, man I pray shes not pregnant, or whatever. Please god help me blah blah. I mean I shouldn't be thinking that If I don't believe in a god necessarily...But I don't exactly not believe that there is a greater power or energy in the world, something greater then all of us. And this is what I may be kind of calling for. Its out of my hands, so who can I turn to? Only something greater.
Monday, September 29, 2008
A new outlook.
This weekend, Thursday - Sunday, was so awesome. Everything I could have hoped for it to be. But it did start off a bit bumpy.
I'm an idiot. My flight to Cancun, Mexico was scheduled to leave 9:35am on 9/24. So you could imagine my dismay when I arrived to the airport excited to get out to Cancun, and the lady at the front desk says that my flight left yesterday. I was going to shoot myself in the face. How could I not look at the date? I just assumed I was leaving with mostly everyone else and ridiculously I thought that the date did not matter. Lucky for me, for a small fee of 150USD I was on the 811 to Cancun leaving 9:35 on 9/25.
Besides that every thing ran smooth. Right when I got there I hoped in the hot tub with my homies, got drunk, met some people, and went out to the sickest club, Coco Bongo. It was off the chain. Next night, I went speed boating, ATVing, drinking, eating, clubbing, and did it again Saturday. I ended up hooking up with this girl from Puerto Vallarta( if thats how you spell it? too lazy to check). She was fuckin cute, I've never met a cute girl from mexico(well one), and this girl was way cuter. So I was happy. Open bar, VIP everywhere we went. It was just great.
Change of heart. Obviously after this, I am just loving the company. I paid about 300 for parking, and tips and things like that, scuba diving, but thats all, thats it. Company hooked it up. And my friends with the company are so awesome too that it makes me not want to leave them. This expeirence make me look back on my expereince, and I know that all the torture I went through really was worth it for everything I learned and everything I experienced. I would never have gotten to go to mexico like this, or scuba diving, or sky diving, or possibly to Utah to ski and snowboard(if I stay with the company a bit longer). And with the money I made I paid for that trip to Canada(I'm not sure if I blogged about that but maybe I will later) Thats a current debate in my head.
Stay? Is it worth it? My time? I think that staying a bit longer is worth it...
But is it?
I would get to go to Park City, Utah for free also. It would be awesome. So awesome. That company values working you're ass off now, and getting rewards later. It teaches you the importance of relationships, integrity, and balance. Unfortunately, a lot of my life during the internship with the company went against these values. I lost some important relationships by working too much, compromised my intergrity(because I was working too hard to push further), and did very little but work at the time(no balance). Now I am pretty much just laxing out so work then party now. Thats balanced I guess, I do see now more then ever the value of my intergrity, and the value of relationships. So maybe I had to compromise these things to truly learn their value.
How does one learn value? Maybe it is like they say, when you lose something, you learn its importance. I know for certain that I do not want to stay through the spring, maybe helping out here and there. Helping out with a visit with an intern, showing them the ropes, but not everyday all day, and not every intern. My problem is when I do something I have to go all the way. And unfortunately, when you go all the way with this internship its far because everyone is so awesome. So I push myself to the very brink, and I break. I cannot experience that again, not with this company atleast.
A new out look.
I kind of feel really good right now. I feel like I am hopefully on an up slope like I was about a year ago at this time. In Cancun I realized something about myself and about regrets. I am me. About 2 or 3 blogs ago I wrote that I wasn't exactly sure who I even was, that I was fake, and I realized that is false. I am me, this is me. I may take on personalities of other people sometimes while I'm around them a lot, but that happens to all people, and even with their attributes I still have a light of my own. People see my personality, and people enjoy it. I believe that. I realized it, while I was hanging out with my friends in Cancun and we were all hanging out and talking by the water and each of us had our very distinct personalities.
Even though at one point I may be quite, one point loud, one point funny, and one point mean, doesn't mean that all of that is not me, I am all of that. I can be all of that. I also realized that regrets are for losers. I will no longer regret any actions of my past or of my present. Why am I doing this? Why am I sitting here? I should be out? I shouldn't have done that, or left her, or eaten that. It's what happened and whats happening and it must be accepted, and only be used constructively to propel myself to the future.
I believe that I now want to do something with myself. I do want to begin to think about my future. I believe that I do want to own a restaurant/bar and I think that I will love it. And I know it will be hard, I have to brain storm ideas, and I'm sure that I will come up with something good.
Um, I think I'm done for today. Later.
I'm an idiot. My flight to Cancun, Mexico was scheduled to leave 9:35am on 9/24. So you could imagine my dismay when I arrived to the airport excited to get out to Cancun, and the lady at the front desk says that my flight left yesterday. I was going to shoot myself in the face. How could I not look at the date? I just assumed I was leaving with mostly everyone else and ridiculously I thought that the date did not matter. Lucky for me, for a small fee of 150USD I was on the 811 to Cancun leaving 9:35 on 9/25.
Besides that every thing ran smooth. Right when I got there I hoped in the hot tub with my homies, got drunk, met some people, and went out to the sickest club, Coco Bongo. It was off the chain. Next night, I went speed boating, ATVing, drinking, eating, clubbing, and did it again Saturday. I ended up hooking up with this girl from Puerto Vallarta( if thats how you spell it? too lazy to check). She was fuckin cute, I've never met a cute girl from mexico(well one), and this girl was way cuter. So I was happy. Open bar, VIP everywhere we went. It was just great.
Change of heart. Obviously after this, I am just loving the company. I paid about 300 for parking, and tips and things like that, scuba diving, but thats all, thats it. Company hooked it up. And my friends with the company are so awesome too that it makes me not want to leave them. This expeirence make me look back on my expereince, and I know that all the torture I went through really was worth it for everything I learned and everything I experienced. I would never have gotten to go to mexico like this, or scuba diving, or sky diving, or possibly to Utah to ski and snowboard(if I stay with the company a bit longer). And with the money I made I paid for that trip to Canada(I'm not sure if I blogged about that but maybe I will later) Thats a current debate in my head.
Stay? Is it worth it? My time? I think that staying a bit longer is worth it...
But is it?
I would get to go to Park City, Utah for free also. It would be awesome. So awesome. That company values working you're ass off now, and getting rewards later. It teaches you the importance of relationships, integrity, and balance. Unfortunately, a lot of my life during the internship with the company went against these values. I lost some important relationships by working too much, compromised my intergrity(because I was working too hard to push further), and did very little but work at the time(no balance). Now I am pretty much just laxing out so work then party now. Thats balanced I guess, I do see now more then ever the value of my intergrity, and the value of relationships. So maybe I had to compromise these things to truly learn their value.
How does one learn value? Maybe it is like they say, when you lose something, you learn its importance. I know for certain that I do not want to stay through the spring, maybe helping out here and there. Helping out with a visit with an intern, showing them the ropes, but not everyday all day, and not every intern. My problem is when I do something I have to go all the way. And unfortunately, when you go all the way with this internship its far because everyone is so awesome. So I push myself to the very brink, and I break. I cannot experience that again, not with this company atleast.
A new out look.
I kind of feel really good right now. I feel like I am hopefully on an up slope like I was about a year ago at this time. In Cancun I realized something about myself and about regrets. I am me. About 2 or 3 blogs ago I wrote that I wasn't exactly sure who I even was, that I was fake, and I realized that is false. I am me, this is me. I may take on personalities of other people sometimes while I'm around them a lot, but that happens to all people, and even with their attributes I still have a light of my own. People see my personality, and people enjoy it. I believe that. I realized it, while I was hanging out with my friends in Cancun and we were all hanging out and talking by the water and each of us had our very distinct personalities.
Even though at one point I may be quite, one point loud, one point funny, and one point mean, doesn't mean that all of that is not me, I am all of that. I can be all of that. I also realized that regrets are for losers. I will no longer regret any actions of my past or of my present. Why am I doing this? Why am I sitting here? I should be out? I shouldn't have done that, or left her, or eaten that. It's what happened and whats happening and it must be accepted, and only be used constructively to propel myself to the future.
I believe that I now want to do something with myself. I do want to begin to think about my future. I believe that I do want to own a restaurant/bar and I think that I will love it. And I know it will be hard, I have to brain storm ideas, and I'm sure that I will come up with something good.
Um, I think I'm done for today. Later.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Daily Dose
Its been a wild and crazy day. Ha, not really. I pretty much woke up late, went to class, library, chilled, gym, home. And here I am.
Here I am. So, I am keenly aware that every time I spot a girl, I immediately decide if I would fuck her or not. Under one second and my decision is made. I also realized that they type of girl I am most attracted to is probably in the 8 range. Not a 10. Why is this? My theory is that by basic psychological theory you are automatically attracted to someone at you're level, and you subconsciously know essentially what the best you can do is.
Ex. Fat people with fat people, pretty people with pretty people.
It is a rare occasion that we see fat people with pretty people. I know, it sounds mean. In general just calling someone a fat person is mean, but this is strictly unspecific so we're gonna let it slide. I guess I would consider myself an 8 then. Puts things in perspective.
I just ignored an IM from someone. I ignore IM's, calls, texts. I'm kind of douchebag(I know its two words but I prefer it as one). Look at me, striving to hit my goals. If being friends with someone doesn't really prove to be beneficial, I just ignore them. If being friends with someone proves to be beneficial, I'll embrace them. Sometimes I choose to embrace those who I ignore most of the time, out of convinence and need.
My relaxed life is great. My roommate is awesome, we both live a very lax life.
( Confession: All day I think of things in rhymes, like I'm a rapper or something, its wierd. Like im outty like mctouty. That doesnt even make sence. Just now when I wrote lax, in my head I thought lax like ajax. I mean, why? lol. I'm sure I'll stop doing that soon, I really only started thinking that recently. I'm also trying to think of a new catch phrase or word to begin using so thats partially the reason. I often create new phrases and words and people like it, so I keep doing it, but I have to continually update my vocabulary. )
My new profile picture is kind of creepy ha. Its a compilation of picture of myself mashed together and edited in paint. So, now you kind of know what I look like. I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday and I'm so fuckin excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I hope it will be atleast. I read a book once about how we always overestimate how happy something is going to make us, and I am constantly trying to save myself from overestimating by resestimating. I am excited though. Hopefully I'll just be drinking all the time.
I told myself you know I'm not going to care about my health and this and that, maybe I'll start smoking, drinking all the time. But, unfortunately, I'm too cautious of a person. I can't bring myself to smoke all the time and shit. I have asthma and I know my risk for lung cancer is already increased by 50 percent automatically. Which is a staggering number. And I probably already smoke cigars once or twice a weekend. That's probably enough to increase my chances. I want to be a bad ass, and I'm just not. I wish being me was the coolest thing I could do.
Its funny how much things change from when we're little. Everything is nothing back then. That's my best friend and I when we were little. We'll he's not my best friend anymore, haven't spoken to him in atleast 9 years I'd say. When you're little, the difference between, right and wrong, bad and good, left and right, its so irrelevant, you're just innocent. I was walking to class, and a little girl out of a house delightfully bellowed, "Hola!" It made me feel so bright. I mean that girl said hi to me without knowing me, without even seeing my face, I was walking passed her 10 ft away, and of course I awkwardly replied, "Hola." She got so much pleasure from such a simple interaction, and she doesn't have a clue that screaming to strangers is probably not the smartest idea. But it definitely brightend my day. I walk down the street and I'll be standing next to someone, I'll be on the bus, smushed up next to someone, and neither of us will even recognize the exisitance of the other. We attempt to ignore eachother because thats easier, thats easier then getting to know eachother, its easier then communicating, its easier then a potential and likely awkward silence, its easier then judgment, its easier to enjoy the distant chatter, self provocing thoughts, and a 5 minute ride down 18 we've all enjoyed more then a few times.
Alright, we'll that'll be the thoughts for today. Thanks for hollarin!
Here I am. So, I am keenly aware that every time I spot a girl, I immediately decide if I would fuck her or not. Under one second and my decision is made. I also realized that they type of girl I am most attracted to is probably in the 8 range. Not a 10. Why is this? My theory is that by basic psychological theory you are automatically attracted to someone at you're level, and you subconsciously know essentially what the best you can do is.
Ex. Fat people with fat people, pretty people with pretty people.
It is a rare occasion that we see fat people with pretty people. I know, it sounds mean. In general just calling someone a fat person is mean, but this is strictly unspecific so we're gonna let it slide. I guess I would consider myself an 8 then. Puts things in perspective.
I just ignored an IM from someone. I ignore IM's, calls, texts. I'm kind of douchebag(I know its two words but I prefer it as one). Look at me, striving to hit my goals. If being friends with someone doesn't really prove to be beneficial, I just ignore them. If being friends with someone proves to be beneficial, I'll embrace them. Sometimes I choose to embrace those who I ignore most of the time, out of convinence and need.
My relaxed life is great. My roommate is awesome, we both live a very lax life.
( Confession: All day I think of things in rhymes, like I'm a rapper or something, its wierd. Like im outty like mctouty. That doesnt even make sence. Just now when I wrote lax, in my head I thought lax like ajax. I mean, why? lol. I'm sure I'll stop doing that soon, I really only started thinking that recently. I'm also trying to think of a new catch phrase or word to begin using so thats partially the reason. I often create new phrases and words and people like it, so I keep doing it, but I have to continually update my vocabulary. )
My new profile picture is kind of creepy ha. Its a compilation of picture of myself mashed together and edited in paint. So, now you kind of know what I look like. I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday and I'm so fuckin excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I hope it will be atleast. I read a book once about how we always overestimate how happy something is going to make us, and I am constantly trying to save myself from overestimating by resestimating. I am excited though. Hopefully I'll just be drinking all the time.
I told myself you know I'm not going to care about my health and this and that, maybe I'll start smoking, drinking all the time. But, unfortunately, I'm too cautious of a person. I can't bring myself to smoke all the time and shit. I have asthma and I know my risk for lung cancer is already increased by 50 percent automatically. Which is a staggering number. And I probably already smoke cigars once or twice a weekend. That's probably enough to increase my chances. I want to be a bad ass, and I'm just not. I wish being me was the coolest thing I could do.
Its funny how much things change from when we're little. Everything is nothing back then. That's my best friend and I when we were little. We'll he's not my best friend anymore, haven't spoken to him in atleast 9 years I'd say. When you're little, the difference between, right and wrong, bad and good, left and right, its so irrelevant, you're just innocent. I was walking to class, and a little girl out of a house delightfully bellowed, "Hola!" It made me feel so bright. I mean that girl said hi to me without knowing me, without even seeing my face, I was walking passed her 10 ft away, and of course I awkwardly replied, "Hola." She got so much pleasure from such a simple interaction, and she doesn't have a clue that screaming to strangers is probably not the smartest idea. But it definitely brightend my day. I walk down the street and I'll be standing next to someone, I'll be on the bus, smushed up next to someone, and neither of us will even recognize the exisitance of the other. We attempt to ignore eachother because thats easier, thats easier then getting to know eachother, its easier then communicating, its easier then a potential and likely awkward silence, its easier then judgment, its easier to enjoy the distant chatter, self provocing thoughts, and a 5 minute ride down 18 we've all enjoyed more then a few times.
Alright, we'll that'll be the thoughts for today. Thanks for hollarin!
Monday, September 22, 2008
This is my new way to pass my time and my to do list for this year
Now that I have all of this time on my hands( being that I am shed from the oppressive life of the employee), I think a lot more in general and then I feel the need to relay that on to my blog. It keeps me busy in not so many words.
This year I am going to try to accomplish a few things which I will write here, some of which I have most likely mentioned before but hopefully this will be clearer for you and myself as well. Lets call this a New Years Resolution of sorts, maybe an End of Year to the New Year Resolution.
TO DO:
1) Write some really great music
2) Force myself to sing and write lyrics to any great songs I create
3) Focus my attention on being creative
4) Make the lives of my family better
5) Set a Goal for my future
6) Become more of a douche bag
7) In reference to 6), stay true to my true self
8) Follow my heart
9) Find 2 new good friends
10) Fuck 3 sluts
11) While in search of sluts; also dedicate my attention to finding a girl who I can envision myself with, have intelligent conversation, and one who I find myself being extremely physically attracted to as well. Someone I would like to take home to mom, one who I will take home to mom, and someone new.
12) Keep up this blog
13) Open my eyes to new things
14) Have an adventure
15) Read a book, and finish it
16) Keep myself on deans list, receive a 3.5 or higher.
17) Truly forget and discard the idea of that girl, then become friends with her
A SIDE NOTE:
Well that should do for now. I want to quickly refer back to numbers 6 and 7. I was thinking today about my summer, and in particular two clients that I had dealt with. One was awesome, and the other terrible. One would make me feel terrible every time I even thought about going to their home, and the other made me feel comfortable going back there even to this day for some coffee. The one who made me feel comfortable reminds me of the type of person who I would strive to be in the future. I would describe the one who I hate as a douche bag, and I certainly do not want to be a douche bag like that and certainly do not want to keep up being a douche bag for the rest of my life. Its a semi-permanent goal and more a representation of a lifestyle and attitude change. The client which I thoroughly enjoyed said to me when I finished after I thanked them for being so great, "We like to think that we're working with the people who work on projects around our home," and this philosophy obviously transcended only household projects but everything they did in their life. Now and for the rest of my life I hope that I can be this type of person, who will always lend a helping hand at my own expense.
RELIGION
I have spend a good amount of time contemplating religion. It fascinates me how people connect with religion, with GOD. How they bring him into their lives, how it 'saves' them. Why does this happen, its quite a phenomenon. I mean, this type of things goes against all logic. It is completely based on faith and not fact. And it consumes people. I want to mention two cases I have studied of religious interactions. One is my friend who we will call Sandy. Sandy is extremely religious and we have spend plenty of time discussing religion with one another. She is perfectly aware that I am not overly accepting of the idea and I am perfectly aware of her love of GOD. And this is what makes our conversations quite stimulating. Also, I have been educated in the bible, taking both courses on the New and Old Testament. I have studied contradictory passages, passages that go against so much logical knowledge, passages encouraging slavery, the oppression of women and disrespectful acts that Jesus himself has performed. With that aside, while talking with her, I found that she really needs GOD because of her need for a father figure. And GOD is that for her. She has never had much interaction with her father, he is MIA. Not in her life at all. GOD fills a void. Now let me move to a band, As Cities Burn, they are what I would describe as Christian Hardcore. Every song either explicitly mentions Jesus/GOD or implicitly does. And a few of their songs mention their loss of their father early in their life, he walked out on them.
GOD as long as you're faith is intact, can NEVER walk out on you.
I think that this is important to note. People find religion when the need something more in their life. And they are convinced that GOD is what they need, that Jesus will same them. For me, their is just too much wrong with religion, too much close mindedness, too much illegitimate story telling. I cannot accept it. My friend Sandy tells me that GOD has presented so many opportunities for me to accept him and I continue to reject him. Unfortunately that is my choice, or fortunately that is my choice, I do not believe that rejecting GOD makes me a bad person. I keep myself open to all possibilities, but I cannot with a full heart ever say that I believe in GOD, and I can never really say that I disbelieve either. Who am I to know such a thing.
An idea like GOD is for no one to decide if he is a truth or a lie. If you study the origin of religions, it only makes one wonder more how anyone can put their faith so blindly in place.
Religion is a product of fear.
PART 2:
In class today, this is an early class so I'm already in an irritable state, but this is something I notice kids doing all the time and its just pretentious. The professor makes an extremely obvious mistake, why point it out? Its only for self gratification. Everyone notices, and if they don't it does not matter because its so simple that its not something that would destroy anyone in the future. The professor is embarrassed, pretends to be grateful for the comment, changes it, and we all move on. The one who mentions it then feels like they just accomplished something great. Why? Because you know that 8x8 is 16 and not 14? In the grand scheme of the problem its useless, the method is what matters. Self gratification is not necessarily a problem in many cases, you need to make yourself feel good, and you should make yourself feel good often. However, in that case it is pretentious and at the expense of others. There really is not benefit to such a correction.
My roommate mentioned today how 'our generation' his grandparents mentioned are obsessed with self gratification. I believe it. I like to satisfy myself all the time. I just picked up a great big brand new hdtv, only to make myself feel good, only to show others that come into my room how great I am. But its not really at the expense of anyone. Only my wallet. And my wallet doesn't mind.
I think I'm going to write up a list of things that I hate, because part of my old me is someone who would try to like everything, and everyone. I think I'm going to stop doing that. I know that in my blogs, I definitely write about things that bother me, but in life, I rarely think badly about people, things, and I try hard to keep that up. Lets become a hater.
I hate:
1) Anyone who thinks they're better then me(no ones better then me)
2) The fact that I can't get any girl I want
3) People whom are pretentious( see previous passages)
4) Close mindedness
5) Waking up early
6) Not being able to sleep
7) Corrupt Politicians
8) Losing
9) Standardized Testing
10) Coming up with things I hate
This year I am going to try to accomplish a few things which I will write here, some of which I have most likely mentioned before but hopefully this will be clearer for you and myself as well. Lets call this a New Years Resolution of sorts, maybe an End of Year to the New Year Resolution.
TO DO:
1) Write some really great music
2) Force myself to sing and write lyrics to any great songs I create
3) Focus my attention on being creative
4) Make the lives of my family better
5) Set a Goal for my future
6) Become more of a douche bag
7) In reference to 6), stay true to my true self
8) Follow my heart
9) Find 2 new good friends
10) Fuck 3 sluts
11) While in search of sluts; also dedicate my attention to finding a girl who I can envision myself with, have intelligent conversation, and one who I find myself being extremely physically attracted to as well. Someone I would like to take home to mom, one who I will take home to mom, and someone new.
12) Keep up this blog
13) Open my eyes to new things
14) Have an adventure
15) Read a book, and finish it
16) Keep myself on deans list, receive a 3.5 or higher.
17) Truly forget and discard the idea of that girl, then become friends with her
A SIDE NOTE:
Well that should do for now. I want to quickly refer back to numbers 6 and 7. I was thinking today about my summer, and in particular two clients that I had dealt with. One was awesome, and the other terrible. One would make me feel terrible every time I even thought about going to their home, and the other made me feel comfortable going back there even to this day for some coffee. The one who made me feel comfortable reminds me of the type of person who I would strive to be in the future. I would describe the one who I hate as a douche bag, and I certainly do not want to be a douche bag like that and certainly do not want to keep up being a douche bag for the rest of my life. Its a semi-permanent goal and more a representation of a lifestyle and attitude change. The client which I thoroughly enjoyed said to me when I finished after I thanked them for being so great, "We like to think that we're working with the people who work on projects around our home," and this philosophy obviously transcended only household projects but everything they did in their life. Now and for the rest of my life I hope that I can be this type of person, who will always lend a helping hand at my own expense.
RELIGION
I have spend a good amount of time contemplating religion. It fascinates me how people connect with religion, with GOD. How they bring him into their lives, how it 'saves' them. Why does this happen, its quite a phenomenon. I mean, this type of things goes against all logic. It is completely based on faith and not fact. And it consumes people. I want to mention two cases I have studied of religious interactions. One is my friend who we will call Sandy. Sandy is extremely religious and we have spend plenty of time discussing religion with one another. She is perfectly aware that I am not overly accepting of the idea and I am perfectly aware of her love of GOD. And this is what makes our conversations quite stimulating. Also, I have been educated in the bible, taking both courses on the New and Old Testament. I have studied contradictory passages, passages that go against so much logical knowledge, passages encouraging slavery, the oppression of women and disrespectful acts that Jesus himself has performed. With that aside, while talking with her, I found that she really needs GOD because of her need for a father figure. And GOD is that for her. She has never had much interaction with her father, he is MIA. Not in her life at all. GOD fills a void. Now let me move to a band, As Cities Burn, they are what I would describe as Christian Hardcore. Every song either explicitly mentions Jesus/GOD or implicitly does. And a few of their songs mention their loss of their father early in their life, he walked out on them.
GOD as long as you're faith is intact, can NEVER walk out on you.
I think that this is important to note. People find religion when the need something more in their life. And they are convinced that GOD is what they need, that Jesus will same them. For me, their is just too much wrong with religion, too much close mindedness, too much illegitimate story telling. I cannot accept it. My friend Sandy tells me that GOD has presented so many opportunities for me to accept him and I continue to reject him. Unfortunately that is my choice, or fortunately that is my choice, I do not believe that rejecting GOD makes me a bad person. I keep myself open to all possibilities, but I cannot with a full heart ever say that I believe in GOD, and I can never really say that I disbelieve either. Who am I to know such a thing.
An idea like GOD is for no one to decide if he is a truth or a lie. If you study the origin of religions, it only makes one wonder more how anyone can put their faith so blindly in place.
Religion is a product of fear.
PART 2:
In class today, this is an early class so I'm already in an irritable state, but this is something I notice kids doing all the time and its just pretentious. The professor makes an extremely obvious mistake, why point it out? Its only for self gratification. Everyone notices, and if they don't it does not matter because its so simple that its not something that would destroy anyone in the future. The professor is embarrassed, pretends to be grateful for the comment, changes it, and we all move on. The one who mentions it then feels like they just accomplished something great. Why? Because you know that 8x8 is 16 and not 14? In the grand scheme of the problem its useless, the method is what matters. Self gratification is not necessarily a problem in many cases, you need to make yourself feel good, and you should make yourself feel good often. However, in that case it is pretentious and at the expense of others. There really is not benefit to such a correction.
My roommate mentioned today how 'our generation' his grandparents mentioned are obsessed with self gratification. I believe it. I like to satisfy myself all the time. I just picked up a great big brand new hdtv, only to make myself feel good, only to show others that come into my room how great I am. But its not really at the expense of anyone. Only my wallet. And my wallet doesn't mind.
I think I'm going to write up a list of things that I hate, because part of my old me is someone who would try to like everything, and everyone. I think I'm going to stop doing that. I know that in my blogs, I definitely write about things that bother me, but in life, I rarely think badly about people, things, and I try hard to keep that up. Lets become a hater.
I hate:
1) Anyone who thinks they're better then me(no ones better then me)
2) The fact that I can't get any girl I want
3) People whom are pretentious( see previous passages)
4) Close mindedness
5) Waking up early
6) Not being able to sleep
7) Corrupt Politicians
8) Losing
9) Standardized Testing
10) Coming up with things I hate
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Hangin with mr. cooper
Sunday night.
The weekend came and went like piping hot cakes. Tomorrow I have to get myself out of bed and down to college ave by 8:20. And earlier if I want to get some breakfast. Life has been easy. It's been simple. I feel like it has been at least.
I really just get up, go to class, try and pay attention, and go back home. Sit here, and think.
I go to the library for fun, for exhilaration, to hopefully knock into someone I haven't seen in a while and talk. I go to the library to blog and drink coffee.
I have a new attitude. I don't remember if blogged about this yet, I probably did, but my new goal of this year is to be a douchebag. I really want people to think that I'm 'not that nice.' That's the goal, if I can reach it is another story. I do enjoy myself, I also hate myself.
Today I found out the my sister now has a boy friend. My older one. This is her first boyfriend in all 22 years of her life. That's pretty serious. I think its a big deal, but she's not trying to make a big deal out of it. He's a pretty nice guy it seems like. Hopefully it works out so I dont have to kick his ass. I'm thinking about subtly revealing my identity soon. I'm sure if anyone that knew me read this blog they would know who it was, but whats the purpose of hiding?
Why do I hide?
I can't really say, its got to be a part of my past that doesn't allow myself to open up to people. My true personality is unknown to even myself. I'm a Pisces. Pisces have the tendency to take on others identity's without trying. I often find myself acting like people that I spend a lot of time around, even a few hours in a car with someone and I will absorb their personality. Who knows. Maybe mt personality is real. Maybe its my own but I just have a hard time clicking with people for all types of reasons. It's partially because of my middle years of insecurity. Made me insecure for a while, and it carries on I can't really get out of it. I'm going to read and get my chinese food. I'll see you when I bleed you.
The weekend came and went like piping hot cakes. Tomorrow I have to get myself out of bed and down to college ave by 8:20. And earlier if I want to get some breakfast. Life has been easy. It's been simple. I feel like it has been at least.
I really just get up, go to class, try and pay attention, and go back home. Sit here, and think.
I go to the library for fun, for exhilaration, to hopefully knock into someone I haven't seen in a while and talk. I go to the library to blog and drink coffee.
I have a new attitude. I don't remember if blogged about this yet, I probably did, but my new goal of this year is to be a douchebag. I really want people to think that I'm 'not that nice.' That's the goal, if I can reach it is another story. I do enjoy myself, I also hate myself.
Today I found out the my sister now has a boy friend. My older one. This is her first boyfriend in all 22 years of her life. That's pretty serious. I think its a big deal, but she's not trying to make a big deal out of it. He's a pretty nice guy it seems like. Hopefully it works out so I dont have to kick his ass. I'm thinking about subtly revealing my identity soon. I'm sure if anyone that knew me read this blog they would know who it was, but whats the purpose of hiding?
Why do I hide?
I can't really say, its got to be a part of my past that doesn't allow myself to open up to people. My true personality is unknown to even myself. I'm a Pisces. Pisces have the tendency to take on others identity's without trying. I often find myself acting like people that I spend a lot of time around, even a few hours in a car with someone and I will absorb their personality. Who knows. Maybe mt personality is real. Maybe its my own but I just have a hard time clicking with people for all types of reasons. It's partially because of my middle years of insecurity. Made me insecure for a while, and it carries on I can't really get out of it. I'm going to read and get my chinese food. I'll see you when I bleed you.
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