Things do change

It was the first snow of the season today. The weather has been all out of wack. Blame global warming? Who knows. I woke up knowing that it felt weird, I specifically opened my window because of this feeling and bam! snow. I'm pretty much psychic. Just kidding. Anyway, I have been feeling good in general, hitting the gym every day which feels good, doing alright in school, connecting with old friends, but, something is off again. What you ask?

My housemates. This weekend when I went out Friday to my friends house( this first one) with my roommates when everyone was matched up as I described it earlier, I kind of just sat back, drank and observed. And it sucked hearing two of my roommates talk about how one of them wants to move out( first time I ever heard that), and the other one saying that she doesn't know what she would do without him blah blah, saying that she's not really friends with are other roommate(who is essentially her best friend). I mean I feel like both of them are just being soooo two faced. I make a really serious attempt to keep every thing clean and be respectful of everyones bounds, I truely do put in more of my share to keep things unified in the house so people don't run around blaming others for this and that, I'll just do it. Also, I make a serious attempt to be friends with, and spend time with everyone but it's obviously not reciprocated.

Lets just break it down. My one roommate wanting to move out and saying nothing to anyone about it, just staying like a silent bitch when I've been working to try and keep him happy pisses me off. Pretty much its a slap in the face saying, "I can't stand living with you."

My other roommate says that her best friend is not her friend anymore, but they are just pretending? We'll what are we doing then? I'm trying to be friends with you and make a closer knit house but you don't even care about you're best relationship what makes me think you give a shit about our relationship? Fuck that. It makes me feel that trying is senseless.

My horiscope on monday stated,
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"Hey, loosen up there! You can't become too obsessed with every little detail in life. Everything is what it is -- some things can be changed, but some things cannot be. You'll be doing yourself a huge favor by understanding the difference between the two, especially in your personal life. Problems could arise in a partnership if you are nwilling to just let things go. You cannot change a person, you can only communicate how their behavior affects you."
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I mean sometimes horiscopes are useless, I hate anything to do with money or finance in you're horiscope its so unspritual if thats the right word. But anyway, this really kind of communicated something to me. Should I just loosen up? Probably. I mean a lot of things with people just piss me off, my own roommate(in my actual room who I've talked about who I feel like is my teammate, my wingman, you know?) gets on my nerves sometimes. Too much politics with him, he gets lazy with going to the gym sometimes when we promised we'd go, and things like that sometimes just piss me off. But I do have to let it go or I'll end up pushing all of my friends away by being pissed at them half the time. I'll have to work on that.

Music.
On the music side of things I keep working to try and write a song and sing. Just doesn't work. But this kid can do it pretty good so check him out.



Definitely inspiring, there are so many talented people in the world. Glad youtube can bring a lot of them together.

Hardest weekend

I really worked fuckin hard this week. I spent ALL week preparing for opening weekend for marketing with this internship. It was rediculous. I really dont even want to review it at all I just worked I think a total of about 26-28 hours between saturday and sunday alone. Saturday night, I hit my breaking point. It was insane, I never was so drained in my life. I was running around, literally running, trying to get leads and I was just getting rejection after rejection, and I had such high hopes that I was let down so hard. I went to my last home, it was dark, cold, and I was alone, I tried to push so hard at the home to get the lead but they told me not to waste my time even dropping off my business card. It was pretty devastating that even my card would not be accepted there. I have never had so many people not be willing to give me the light of day. So anyway, after that I was walking away from the home, and it hit me so hard that I had failed. I just began to cry, for real, I cannot remember the last time that I have cried, its been years. The last time I remember crying is literally...maybe 5 or 6 years ago. It doesnt happen often. So anyway, I really got slammed. Sucked man. But I had a good night in the end just going out with some friends. Then got to bed early to wake up early. It was so loud in the house, its so rediculous, my roommates just screaming and yelling and being drunk and high, its annoying. Like I enjoy being drunk and whatever but I just feel like you have to grow up at some point, and being obliterated and then smoking a 7 blunts in the night isnt smart. Get some sense you know? I sorta actually am thinking that I want to try to smoke some J soon and see how it feels. Just by myself. A friend of mine smokes every night and then just hangs out on his own. I feel like doing that. I'm not like immaturely smoking every night or whatever, its really just for the thought provocation. I'm interested in exploring my mind really deeply, you know? I want to reach enlightenment, like Buddhist monks. Do I need to lead a life rid of all material goods? Beg for my food? Or scavenge? I totally lost track of my thoughts. Sucks when that happens. Anyway, I really just want to come to some sort of a realization.

Lets see, I had this really sweet dream the other night about this girl at work, and I dreamt that we were dating and I was like so in love with her. And I just loved showing her off, not because she was pretty but because of how amazing she was as a person. I would like explain to people she's not the prettiest girl but she is the perfect girl for me. I was so happy with her lol. Now I decided I gotta test the waters out. Give her a shot and see how it goes. I'm gonna try to get her to come out with me this week. If not, ill try next week, slowly work on her. She'll crack hah. I dont think itll be hard at all, having the confidence to bring her back to my place is the hard part, cause im a douche when it comes to that part. But i really want to have another siiiiick dream like that. I just love having dreams that I remember, and dreams that I enjoy. I really love being in dream land ha. I had this great string of dreams while I was napping earlier this week where I had total control of myself in the dream. Pretty much like supper intense imagining lol. I could fly around town, do whatever I wanted I loved it ha. So I'm heading out, I'll try to hit you with some more dreams later this week. Hopefully I actually get to sleep. Catch ya ass lattaa.