Pisceans and Politics

I have been continuing my research of astrology and particularly my sign. It's so weird how much I relate to the qualities associated with my sign. I was reading some of the comments of the other Pisceans and so much of what they say I relate so directly too with my own personality and experiences. I have mentioned in this blog how I am considered 'too nice' by many people, and how I see my self as someone who constantly adapts my personality depending on who I'm with, and I always mention my love for music and need for creativity, my need to get away when I'm feeling drained. And I almost always make decisions based on intuition. Are these idea's that everyone feels themselves relating so closely to? I don't think so. It really doesn't end there but those are some things I know I have mentioned in particular. The other thing is thought is that obviously there are millions and millions of pisces out there, I mean thousands of people alone probably born the exact same day as me. Not all of them would identify with the atributes of a pisces. So what does this mean? Does it mean that its all a falicy? Or is it like any other generalization and stereotype, based off of truths that simply cannot always be right?

I stoped blogging and passed out so now its the next afternoon and I will continute blogging about something completely different. So I woke up yesterday feeling like I had a fever and my throat really had hurt since sunday. This worries me because I have been spending a lot of time with a girl who has herpes(just as friends) and I dont want to be like prejudice against her and ward her off or something but I fear getting herpes. Herpes is with you for life. Really limits sexual activity and prospects for love as well as I see it. One of the symptoms for onset of herpes is a fever, and another is swelling of the gland in your throat. Worries me much? Yes. I gotta get to hurtado and get um to check me out. I actually had this same scare when I found out about her initially having herpes. I do worry a lot about STD's as I have mentioned in the past.

MIA - Paper Planes, good song. I will go to the gym today. I skipped yesterday but I'm considering it my day off for the week so I will go every day til sunday now. I skipped 2 days last week, so bad. I attibute my sickness to a weekend of heavy partying and now legitimate excersize(walking between parties doesn't count).

It is election day.

I went to my home town to vote. In and out, no lines. I knocked into the drummer from my old band. Actually really good to see him. He is a really good guy, he's just getting back into school. I'm glad that I made the decision to go right to college, I can see from kids older then me that chose not to go right to college how hard it is for them. 2 classes here, a semester off, 3 classes, a year off back to 2 classes. But back to the election, I definitely will call it for Obama, I think most people are. If its not him then the system must be seriously flawed because every poll shows Obams in the lead. My roommate is taking a nap, I think I might try to take a quick nap too. I slept like shit last night. It was terrible.

Go Ask Alice

I feel like that book, I think the title is 'Go Ask Alice' or something like that. One of the only books that have ever caught my attention long enough for me to finish it. I am not a reader, but anything related to drugs always interests me. I find it so fascinating how }ensnaring{ drugs can become, and how a person's entire life and personality can shift. So that's why I love that book. But I feel like her because it is essentially a diary and she has so many ups and downs and that's just life. Life is full of ups and downs and changes and stagnation's. So interesting; so different. I was reading back to some of my older blogs as I like to do from time to time, and the one year anniversary of my blog was Oct. 14th. If you go back to that blog, my life was so similar and so different back then. The 7 friends who I once considered my 'best friends' are barely a glimmer on my acquaintance radar, with the exception of my main man, my current roommate. He and I probably had more in common then we ever knew. This situation is a blessing that we are now stuck together, because I think we're good for each other. But lets remember, those who I considered my best friends a year ago, are now people who I rarely bother to wave to on the street. I can only hope that doesn't happen to my current roommate and I.

}I would be much closer to alone at that point.{

Don't really have to worry about that now. Reading about my life in the past is a good exercise I feel like. I enjoy it. I can see how things are so similar, my worries and fears are so similar and it feels sooo long ago. In reality, it's been barely a year. I can actually remember that night when I first wrote my blog.

I have been thinking a lot about the future. What am I going to do? More College? That almost seems like the easiest thing to do. It also seems like the most awesome, I feel that grad school would be great because I could focus more on my main interests, and discover what I want to do. But it will probably be only more scary to enter the real world, for failure would be still ever imminent. I never used to worry so much about failing in my future. Its one thing I have been consistently confident about, I do believe in my ability to succeed at what I do, but what will I do is the question? If I have no direction, failure won't be far from view.

I'm going to try to get myself to bed now. I'll catch up with you tomorrow.

This is a College Town

Rutgers - - Such a college town. 3am hundreds of kids running form party to party dressed up in all different completely ridiculous and awesome costumes. Red cups float through houses like pollen in the spring and the smell of marijuana is evident in all areas. Pizza available til 4am and Deli's open 24/7. 3pm, kids just getting themselves up, heading down to the local bagel shop and dining hall for an all too available breakfast when most of the time zone is finishing lunch or fixing up dinner. The walk of shame even more obvious when still in costume and kegs being rolled back to their home at Pete's Liquors. Awesome. I love it all.

Sunday, we all try to make up for the long weekend marathon by getting to the library before it strikes one. But we're all so lucky because the clocks just turned back, giving us an excellent extra hour of sleep. Yet another good weekend here at Rutgers. I have been definitely enjoying my semester more then in the past. I realized that I am definitely happy. Which I'm glad about. It's an ever prominent goal in my life. Happiness is literally the goal highest on my list, and all subsequent goals are essentially tactical goals to achieve my greatest need.

I don't think I'm going to exactly review the weekend because I do that too often, it was a classic Halloween. Costumes and beer, I was so sick from drinking on Saturday that I threw up at least 4 times slept til 2, went to eat(didn't eat anything) came home and slept until 5:50. Woke up, went to Philly for a bit, came back, and went out again. The most important thing to note about this weekend was that I was chillin with the NoG from last weekend(see last weekends post for a definition. I am becoming more attracted to her which is a good sign, I just need to not fuck it up by becoming the friend. So far I'm not there yet, but being a pussy and not making a move is not helping things because she is making it perfectly obvious what her intentions are, but its a difficult situation because she just got out of a long relationship with someone I am familiar with and she is what is known as a nice girl. Of course my favourite type of girl.

I am also happy because I feel like there is some consistency in the availability of fun now in my life. I am also happy because I feel that my ambition to get out there and party is having a direct and positive effect on the life of my roommate. He was sticking in the room and now he's coming out all the time, really working towards the goal. He's having a good time and I'm really happy about that. Its funny that my ambition now adays is getting out and partying. I really need to set some higher goals for myself. I need to find myself a job and an internship for the summer. I can't move backwards as much as I would like too. When you drain yourself dry like a raisin, you feel the need to bring back you're life. I definitely felt that need and now I'm feeling a bit lazy. It is what it is for now though, I'll find myself something to do.

I'm scared to go back to work, work changes things. I feel like I want to keep my life how it is in a way, I'm worried that working will bring in a whole new range of changes to my life.

Music.
I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge. Jack's Mannequin is a great, great band. If you're looking for something to listen to, and you want to check out something ridiculously awesome, if you're ready for greatness, listen to Jack's Mannequin. Their first album 'Everything in Transit' - I think its their first album but I could be wrong, ill refrase, their most popular album listed above, is so great. It combines catchy piano and keyboard melodies with simple guitar leads and drum beats and simply amazing lyrics and vocal melodies. Pick it up, very good feeling music with mostly major key tonalities, but when they go minor its also extremely well done. You feel that you know the lead singer really well, and that's an important part of connecting with this style of music.

I have extremely diverse tastes in music. I think everyone says that because they think just because they listen to hip hop and indie rock makes them diverse. I'd say it makes them more diverse then some. But I listen to everything from old school rap, gangster rap, hip hop, r&b, hardcore, metal, classic rock, jazz, classical, blues, indie rock, getting into techno, progressive rock, acoustic, jam, indie girl singers, and jazz singers. I think that might be mostly all I listen too. The only genres I'm not that into are punk/ska(too upbeat I think for me), and I don't listen to too much country(just never really got into it), I like both of those genres but don't really have them on my playlists. I think what differntiates me musically specifically is the blues/jazz that I listen to, metal/hardcore, and the indie girl singers(which a lot of girls are into but not so much dudes).

Ok, I would like to blog further and I might add to this later with somethings I forgot but I should actually study now since Im at the library.
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Sorry, I felt like being extremely immature for a minute there. It says 69 posts if you can't see it clearly. I kind of just wanted to play around with computer screen shots which I've never done before but I think I might do it more often from now on. I'm out of the library and feeling extremely tired. I felt like I slept pretty well too, this morning I felt so rejuvenate since I wasn't hung over as shit. Anyway, funny funny story. So I pierced my ears 3 more times. To literally quadruple my piercing count to 4. And no one had mentioned or noticed it, but I knew somehow that the girl that I slept with a little while ago that I mentioned would notice when I saw her. And less then 5 minutes into seeing each other again she noticed. Kind of weird right? Still the only one to notice. Strange how I knew she would notice and she did very quickly. I feel bad for her because she has been completely sucked in to this internship. It stinks but she loves it so let it be.

While I was at the library, the NoG was there, and I could swear that she saw me but didn't come say hi, and I was with my friend(who is like her bf) and they were texting but she didn't come by. This worries me. I know I'm being paranoid but either one of two things is happening, she is purposely ignoring me, or she just doesn't care enough to say hi. Both of which are bad by the way. I think I fucked this one up too. But there's plenty of time, I've missed golden opportunities with girls before and turned it around. It always depends on the girl. Chances are I will see this girl a lot more often.

I'm being really lazy right now, eating pasta, not going to the gym, not studying or socializing. I feel like I get this way alot by evening on Sundays. Lackadasical and somewhat depressed in a way. But really its not actually depression, just apathy I guess in a way. At the library I was talking with my friend, she wants to live together next year, seems like it might be a good idea. Just me, her and my current roommate. Or maybe one more, and a dog of course. I do like it here, but change is always good too. Something to consider.

Blogger

Thursday night, or Friday morning 1:55AM. Which ever you prefer, take your pick. I think I'm funny. I wasn't going to go out tonight but I did. I do that almost always. I just like to go out. Anyway, I went to a party with a bunch of kids from back at home, it was fun. Its always fun hangin with those kids. They're great, I really love my friends from home, and my roommate is great too. I hope that I see those kids more often. My friends girlfriend said to me that the girls in her dorm love me...I honestly don't know a single other girl in her dorm, how is that possible? She said and I quote, 'they use her facebook to look at me'. Dude, where the fuck are these girls when I'm looking for them! God damn. Its like the other day, I was searching everywhere, even in the obvious and completely desolate areas of my room, couldn't find it. Turns out it was in the most obvious place where I had already checked but not close enough. Turns out these girls are right under my nose, just not looking close enough. Like a douche bag.

Halloween! Its finally here, the greatest day ever. Except, I'm not a kid any more? Yea that's a question. I'm not a kid anymore? It stinks. I'm too old to trick or treat, instead I have to steal my younger sisters grand bag of candy when I go home(probably to eat). But for us older folks it essentially means parties where we dress up(where the most stressful part is coming up with a costume) and drinking alcohol. Sometimes pumpkin flavored. Or apple cider oriented. Anyway tomorrow I'll be going out to some of these parties, and hopefully Saturday.

Of course as always I'll give you a complete review of my weekend top to bottom. Thursday - Sunday. Funny how in college a weekend starts a day earlier regardless of how early your class is Thursday is still a weekend. So now instead of 3/7ths of the week u have 4/7ths. Thats a big deal, only 3 days dedicated to work? I guess you have to count Sunday because regardless of its affiliation with relaxation, it is still a day often dedicated strictly to work that was put off. Even families put off work and save it for Sunday.

There my house mate was again(from now on I will attempt to refer to my house mates as housemates(ppl in my house) and roommate as roommate(person sharing my room)), alone. I feel for her. She actually said this time, 'I always end up alone'. Its sad. I wish she didn't because she is great. Maybe its because she has my same problem as a pisces of adaptability but not exactly the ability to really get close to everyone. So shes friends with so many people here but not overly close, also, shes is overly conscious of it which I believe makes her try too hard sometimes. Ok, I do have to go to bed, I have an earlllly morning. I'll hit you up tomorrow when I complete my homework and study at the library, AKA, blogging time.

<3

Getting Raw

Getting Raw. So I wanted a picture for my post and I typed in 'getting raw' into google and nothing with guitars came up so then I typed 'getting raw guitar' and this old thing came up. I thought it would be a good pick. Shes kind of sexy. Total slut though, not my type. If it were a real guitar it would be better. But anyway.

Quick rant related to my last post:

The other thing is that my house mate that wants to move out always says to my other house mate who is fake to her best friend, 'I took the garbage out all summer' or ' I cleaned the bathroom all summer' or I cleaned the kitchen all summer'. Which are all legitimate lies. I wont give him no credit, but honestly we all did all of that. And we all worked to keep things clean, and since it was only the three of us at that time(not the girl another roommate) it wasnt hard. We didnt even take garbage down that much only when the landlords complained and then I would do it on my own. Maybe once or twice he took it out without me, maaaaybe. At the max. And he's making it sound like I did nothing! Like he did it all, or like our other roommate did nothing, when we probably did the most. Bull shit.

Ok so to today. Overall I felt good, studied in the morning, went to class which was actually a little interesting. Made a rediculously good dish with potatoes, asparagus and garlic. Thats it with a few spices and a couple table spoons of olive oil and one Tbls of ranch. Sooo great roasted in the oven to perfection I was very proud of myself. Then I went to band practice. Apparently I'm in a band now. This band is really good its made up of a bunch of people I have been in bands with in the past except for one girl. But I've known her a while. The band has been around for I'd say atleast a year now and the other guitar player is out of this world and has a greattt set up for recording at his place. The bands name is 'Lux Astra' check um out, or I guess now 'us' out. I normally wouldn't link to something that so obviously can give away my true identity ha but whatever, what happens happens. I have about 1 month to learn all of the songs and get them tight which wont be easy because they are not easy to play. Unless maybe you're the guitar player form All That Remain(ATR).

It makes me happy to know that they want me in their band, and it makes me happy to finally know that I will be playing with a band again. Being in a band is like being in a family. You always see eachother, hang out, create together, fight, I mean its great. Everything about being in a band is really awesome even when its not. Lig-e-wis, life is good even when its not. I think I might get ligewis on my tattoo somewhere. Hm well something to think about, I think I'm going to pass out now. I'll see u when I see you.

Things do change

It was the first snow of the season today. The weather has been all out of wack. Blame global warming? Who knows. I woke up knowing that it felt weird, I specifically opened my window because of this feeling and bam! snow. I'm pretty much psychic. Just kidding. Anyway, I have been feeling good in general, hitting the gym every day which feels good, doing alright in school, connecting with old friends, but, something is off again. What you ask?

My housemates. This weekend when I went out Friday to my friends house( this first one) with my roommates when everyone was matched up as I described it earlier, I kind of just sat back, drank and observed. And it sucked hearing two of my roommates talk about how one of them wants to move out( first time I ever heard that), and the other one saying that she doesn't know what she would do without him blah blah, saying that she's not really friends with are other roommate(who is essentially her best friend). I mean I feel like both of them are just being soooo two faced. I make a really serious attempt to keep every thing clean and be respectful of everyones bounds, I truely do put in more of my share to keep things unified in the house so people don't run around blaming others for this and that, I'll just do it. Also, I make a serious attempt to be friends with, and spend time with everyone but it's obviously not reciprocated.

Lets just break it down. My one roommate wanting to move out and saying nothing to anyone about it, just staying like a silent bitch when I've been working to try and keep him happy pisses me off. Pretty much its a slap in the face saying, "I can't stand living with you."

My other roommate says that her best friend is not her friend anymore, but they are just pretending? We'll what are we doing then? I'm trying to be friends with you and make a closer knit house but you don't even care about you're best relationship what makes me think you give a shit about our relationship? Fuck that. It makes me feel that trying is senseless.

My horiscope on monday stated,
{{
"Hey, loosen up there! You can't become too obsessed with every little detail in life. Everything is what it is -- some things can be changed, but some things cannot be. You'll be doing yourself a huge favor by understanding the difference between the two, especially in your personal life. Problems could arise in a partnership if you are nwilling to just let things go. You cannot change a person, you can only communicate how their behavior affects you."
{{

I mean sometimes horiscopes are useless, I hate anything to do with money or finance in you're horiscope its so unspritual if thats the right word. But anyway, this really kind of communicated something to me. Should I just loosen up? Probably. I mean a lot of things with people just piss me off, my own roommate(in my actual room who I've talked about who I feel like is my teammate, my wingman, you know?) gets on my nerves sometimes. Too much politics with him, he gets lazy with going to the gym sometimes when we promised we'd go, and things like that sometimes just piss me off. But I do have to let it go or I'll end up pushing all of my friends away by being pissed at them half the time. I'll have to work on that.

Music.
On the music side of things I keep working to try and write a song and sing. Just doesn't work. But this kid can do it pretty good so check him out.



Definitely inspiring, there are so many talented people in the world. Glad youtube can bring a lot of them together.

I like to make changes

I have been always quite interested in astrology. In zodiac signs and what it all means. I feel like a true Pisces( I'm a march baby). The only thing I worry about is what if I feel like a Pisces just because I am one, I'm generally skeptical of getting caught up in things that are based on loose facts or faith. So how do I know I am really a representative of a Pisces? I think that I want to be because it is something that I can connect with on some level. I don't really have a race(im not white, black, Hispanic, or really I'm all of that).
But anyway, so today I looked over a website that essentially gives in-depth descriptions of each sign. I made sure to look over my sign, the signs of my family members, and a few others just to see what attributes of each I do see in myself and which I don't( and of course compared them to my family as well). It's really interesting how descriptive they are. In many of them there are many similarities however, each does have its over arching, encompassing theme, I definitely Identify with the attributes of a Pisces, the only attribute they discussed specifically that I don't believe is really me is 'Weak-willed and easily led'. These are the other positive and negative general traits of a Pisces:

Imaginative and sensitive
Compassionate and kind
Selfless and unworldly
Intuitive and sympathetic

On the dark side....

Escapist and idealistic
Secretive and vague
Weak-willed and easily led

Hmm, weak willed? Maybe. I don't think so, one thing that I have is will-power. If I want to get something done I will, and I can push myself to the brink. That's actually a defining characteristic that I hold and that I am proud of. My will drives me.

Easily led? Maybe. I can see that, most of my life I did not exactly take a leadership position. But I have made a point to change that, its not easy, its not in my comfort zone, but I do enjoy leadership. In fact, they describe Pisces as those not to work a '9-5' and that is exactly how I describe myself in relation to future working positions. I feel like that something I can't do. That's why I would like to run my own business, be a manager(and I enjoy management). However, they say that we are not meant to be leaders, mostlikely failed leaders, or are too scared to take on positions too high up in companies, potential middle managers at most. I can see that I do have fear of failure in a high ranking position, and maybe my Pisces trait of being idealistic makes me feal I can achieve these goals. Guess I have a lot to consider.

The whole point here right now is that I am pretty sure that I want to get a tattoo. For a long time I had no desire to get one, about a year ago that changed for some reason but I could never get a tattoo if it doesn't have some meaning close to me. I was thinking that maybe something that represents a Pisces symbol would be good because I feel that it would represent me. But I want to draw it. I don't want it to be too common and obvious. These are my doodles in class for possibilities, I'll upload more when I come up with them. So far my favorite is the one I boxed in on the bottom. It represents the fish swimming in opposite directions which is one symbol and also incorporates the 'H' pictured above. In the left 'fish' is a treble clef, and the right 'fish' has two dots next to it representing a bass clef, which represent my love of music(which is kind of cliche cause I don't think I know anyone who doesn't love music, not everyone plays it though!). Music is so powerful. I thought maybe get it down the side of my arm from the shoulder to the bottom of my tricep pretty much. I was going to keep blogging but, maybe later. I'll catch up with you soon.