Tuesday, February 5, 2008

It begins

I started this semester two weeks ago about I think. I had no job, didn't really have to worry about my internship yet, and was just relaxing. Then, I got a job, I'm getting heavier into this internship, and have lots of school work to do. Its a lot. Probably atleast 100 or so pages to review for my job, I have to take a test and pass to serve at this place, and then I have 90 pages to read and I have to take a test this weekend for my internship, and I have so much reading to for school. Work on tuesday, thursday, and friday, internship full day on saturday and sunday. School Monday through thursday. Its pretty intense. But I'll def be getting used to it. I don't know if I went over this yet, buy my Ex recently got together with a new kid. Sucks a little bit, I sorta always saw her as an option. I really loved her, but too bad, in the end I don't really mind, I knew it would happen eventually. Its no big deal. I have to wait until I find that girl for me, I just can't find her. It's really going to take a while, and I'm sure of that. I'm working hard. Today at work this gay dude who is producing a west side story show on broadway, asked me If I was a model, or if I ever considered it. And I just feel like, if I am that good looking that I can be asked if I'm a model, and its happened more then once, im pretty much zoolander, then why is it not easier for me to get girls? Cause im not aggressive enough I think. I just need to be confident in my abilities, and I'm just not. I always think like, hmm is she interested? I'm not sure. And How can I really know? Fuck it man, I just have to go for it, fuck rejection you know, who cares. This weekend I should just really go for it all the way, try to get with some girl, set my sights and go for it. Hm, it would be a good goal to set and meet. Also, I feel like I want like a modeling gig to just fall into my lap, I want someone to be like come here and model, good extra money for me and it would be fun and sweet to say that I'm a model, right? I think so, lol. I'm pretty superficial.

I was thinking today, I dont try to be like the nice guy...you know? Its just me. I can't change that. It would be nice if I could, but people just see me that way. At work, I had no idea that my co workers saw me as the nice guy, but all of a sudden they're all saying how they thought I was like the nicest guy in the world. How do I get that? I mean, in the long run, I think it will work out in my favor. I think I'm smart, nice, good looking, and everything will turn out will in the end. Life man, its so tricky. Who knows what the correct path to choose is? No one knows what will make us happy. I assume what may make me unhappy, but I can't really tell that either. Its totally tricky. I'm tired. I'm pretty tired of a lot of things. Fakeness. I mean, its pretty classic thing to say, "I'm so tired of people being fake". But I'm not talking about others, I'm talking about me. I should be more straight forward with how I feel about people I think. Just let it out sometimes. Maybe I should talk to a shrink sometime, I think it would be nice to talk to someone. I think I may ask my sister who she talks to on campus and go ahead and talk with them too. Its pretty late right now. I am going to go a head and stop blogging now. Good to talk to you. Later.

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