Hardest weekend

I really worked fuckin hard this week. I spent ALL week preparing for opening weekend for marketing with this internship. It was rediculous. I really dont even want to review it at all I just worked I think a total of about 26-28 hours between saturday and sunday alone. Saturday night, I hit my breaking point. It was insane, I never was so drained in my life. I was running around, literally running, trying to get leads and I was just getting rejection after rejection, and I had such high hopes that I was let down so hard. I went to my last home, it was dark, cold, and I was alone, I tried to push so hard at the home to get the lead but they told me not to waste my time even dropping off my business card. It was pretty devastating that even my card would not be accepted there. I have never had so many people not be willing to give me the light of day. So anyway, after that I was walking away from the home, and it hit me so hard that I had failed. I just began to cry, for real, I cannot remember the last time that I have cried, its been years. The last time I remember crying is literally...maybe 5 or 6 years ago. It doesnt happen often. So anyway, I really got slammed. Sucked man. But I had a good night in the end just going out with some friends. Then got to bed early to wake up early. It was so loud in the house, its so rediculous, my roommates just screaming and yelling and being drunk and high, its annoying. Like I enjoy being drunk and whatever but I just feel like you have to grow up at some point, and being obliterated and then smoking a 7 blunts in the night isnt smart. Get some sense you know? I sorta actually am thinking that I want to try to smoke some J soon and see how it feels. Just by myself. A friend of mine smokes every night and then just hangs out on his own. I feel like doing that. I'm not like immaturely smoking every night or whatever, its really just for the thought provocation. I'm interested in exploring my mind really deeply, you know? I want to reach enlightenment, like Buddhist monks. Do I need to lead a life rid of all material goods? Beg for my food? Or scavenge? I totally lost track of my thoughts. Sucks when that happens. Anyway, I really just want to come to some sort of a realization.

Lets see, I had this really sweet dream the other night about this girl at work, and I dreamt that we were dating and I was like so in love with her. And I just loved showing her off, not because she was pretty but because of how amazing she was as a person. I would like explain to people she's not the prettiest girl but she is the perfect girl for me. I was so happy with her lol. Now I decided I gotta test the waters out. Give her a shot and see how it goes. I'm gonna try to get her to come out with me this week. If not, ill try next week, slowly work on her. She'll crack hah. I dont think itll be hard at all, having the confidence to bring her back to my place is the hard part, cause im a douche when it comes to that part. But i really want to have another siiiiick dream like that. I just love having dreams that I remember, and dreams that I enjoy. I really love being in dream land ha. I had this great string of dreams while I was napping earlier this week where I had total control of myself in the dream. Pretty much like supper intense imagining lol. I could fly around town, do whatever I wanted I loved it ha. So I'm heading out, I'll try to hit you with some more dreams later this week. Hopefully I actually get to sleep. Catch ya ass lattaa.