This weekend, Thursday - Sunday, was so awesome. Everything I could have hoped for it to be. But it did start off a bit bumpy.
I'm an idiot. My flight to Cancun, Mexico was scheduled to leave 9:35am on 9/24. So you could imagine my dismay when I arrived to the airport excited to get out to Cancun, and the lady at the front desk says that my flight left yesterday. I was going to shoot myself in the face. How could I not look at the date? I just assumed I was leaving with mostly everyone else and ridiculously I thought that the date did not matter. Lucky for me, for a small fee of 150USD I was on the 811 to Cancun leaving 9:35 on 9/25.
Besides that every thing ran smooth. Right when I got there I hoped in the hot tub with my homies, got drunk, met some people, and went out to the sickest club, Coco Bongo. It was off the chain. Next night, I went speed boating, ATVing, drinking, eating, clubbing, and did it again Saturday. I ended up hooking up with this girl from Puerto Vallarta( if thats how you spell it? too lazy to check). She was fuckin cute, I've never met a cute girl from mexico(well one), and this girl was way cuter. So I was happy. Open bar, VIP everywhere we went. It was just great.
Change of heart. Obviously after this, I am just loving the company. I paid about 300 for parking, and tips and things like that, scuba diving, but thats all, thats it. Company hooked it up. And my friends with the company are so awesome too that it makes me not want to leave them. This expeirence make me look back on my expereince, and I know that all the torture I went through really was worth it for everything I learned and everything I experienced. I would never have gotten to go to mexico like this, or scuba diving, or sky diving, or possibly to Utah to ski and snowboard(if I stay with the company a bit longer). And with the money I made I paid for that trip to Canada(I'm not sure if I blogged about that but maybe I will later) Thats a current debate in my head.
Stay? Is it worth it? My time? I think that staying a bit longer is worth it...
But is it?
I would get to go to Park City, Utah for free also. It would be awesome. So awesome. That company values working you're ass off now, and getting rewards later. It teaches you the importance of relationships, integrity, and balance. Unfortunately, a lot of my life during the internship with the company went against these values. I lost some important relationships by working too much, compromised my intergrity(because I was working too hard to push further), and did very little but work at the time(no balance). Now I am pretty much just laxing out so work then party now. Thats balanced I guess, I do see now more then ever the value of my intergrity, and the value of relationships. So maybe I had to compromise these things to truly learn their value.
How does one learn value? Maybe it is like they say, when you lose something, you learn its importance. I know for certain that I do not want to stay through the spring, maybe helping out here and there. Helping out with a visit with an intern, showing them the ropes, but not everyday all day, and not every intern. My problem is when I do something I have to go all the way. And unfortunately, when you go all the way with this internship its far because everyone is so awesome. So I push myself to the very brink, and I break. I cannot experience that again, not with this company atleast.
A new out look.
I kind of feel really good right now. I feel like I am hopefully on an up slope like I was about a year ago at this time. In Cancun I realized something about myself and about regrets. I am me. About 2 or 3 blogs ago I wrote that I wasn't exactly sure who I even was, that I was fake, and I realized that is false. I am me, this is me. I may take on personalities of other people sometimes while I'm around them a lot, but that happens to all people, and even with their attributes I still have a light of my own. People see my personality, and people enjoy it. I believe that. I realized it, while I was hanging out with my friends in Cancun and we were all hanging out and talking by the water and each of us had our very distinct personalities.
Even though at one point I may be quite, one point loud, one point funny, and one point mean, doesn't mean that all of that is not me, I am all of that. I can be all of that. I also realized that regrets are for losers. I will no longer regret any actions of my past or of my present. Why am I doing this? Why am I sitting here? I should be out? I shouldn't have done that, or left her, or eaten that. It's what happened and whats happening and it must be accepted, and only be used constructively to propel myself to the future.
I believe that I now want to do something with myself. I do want to begin to think about my future. I believe that I do want to own a restaurant/bar and I think that I will love it. And I know it will be hard, I have to brain storm ideas, and I'm sure that I will come up with something good.
Um, I think I'm done for today. Later.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Daily Dose
Its been a wild and crazy day. Ha, not really. I pretty much woke up late, went to class, library, chilled, gym, home. And here I am.
Here I am. So, I am keenly aware that every time I spot a girl, I immediately decide if I would fuck her or not. Under one second and my decision is made. I also realized that they type of girl I am most attracted to is probably in the 8 range. Not a 10. Why is this? My theory is that by basic psychological theory you are automatically attracted to someone at you're level, and you subconsciously know essentially what the best you can do is.
Ex. Fat people with fat people, pretty people with pretty people.
It is a rare occasion that we see fat people with pretty people. I know, it sounds mean. In general just calling someone a fat person is mean, but this is strictly unspecific so we're gonna let it slide. I guess I would consider myself an 8 then. Puts things in perspective.
I just ignored an IM from someone. I ignore IM's, calls, texts. I'm kind of douchebag(I know its two words but I prefer it as one). Look at me, striving to hit my goals. If being friends with someone doesn't really prove to be beneficial, I just ignore them. If being friends with someone proves to be beneficial, I'll embrace them. Sometimes I choose to embrace those who I ignore most of the time, out of convinence and need.
My relaxed life is great. My roommate is awesome, we both live a very lax life.
( Confession: All day I think of things in rhymes, like I'm a rapper or something, its wierd. Like im outty like mctouty. That doesnt even make sence. Just now when I wrote lax, in my head I thought lax like ajax. I mean, why? lol. I'm sure I'll stop doing that soon, I really only started thinking that recently. I'm also trying to think of a new catch phrase or word to begin using so thats partially the reason. I often create new phrases and words and people like it, so I keep doing it, but I have to continually update my vocabulary. )
My new profile picture is kind of creepy ha. Its a compilation of picture of myself mashed together and edited in paint. So, now you kind of know what I look like. I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday and I'm so fuckin excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I hope it will be atleast. I read a book once about how we always overestimate how happy something is going to make us, and I am constantly trying to save myself from overestimating by resestimating. I am excited though. Hopefully I'll just be drinking all the time.
I told myself you know I'm not going to care about my health and this and that, maybe I'll start smoking, drinking all the time. But, unfortunately, I'm too cautious of a person. I can't bring myself to smoke all the time and shit. I have asthma and I know my risk for lung cancer is already increased by 50 percent automatically. Which is a staggering number. And I probably already smoke cigars once or twice a weekend. That's probably enough to increase my chances. I want to be a bad ass, and I'm just not. I wish being me was the coolest thing I could do.
Its funny how much things change from when we're little. Everything is nothing back then. That's my best friend and I when we were little. We'll he's not my best friend anymore, haven't spoken to him in atleast 9 years I'd say. When you're little, the difference between, right and wrong, bad and good, left and right, its so irrelevant, you're just innocent. I was walking to class, and a little girl out of a house delightfully bellowed, "Hola!" It made me feel so bright. I mean that girl said hi to me without knowing me, without even seeing my face, I was walking passed her 10 ft away, and of course I awkwardly replied, "Hola." She got so much pleasure from such a simple interaction, and she doesn't have a clue that screaming to strangers is probably not the smartest idea. But it definitely brightend my day. I walk down the street and I'll be standing next to someone, I'll be on the bus, smushed up next to someone, and neither of us will even recognize the exisitance of the other. We attempt to ignore eachother because thats easier, thats easier then getting to know eachother, its easier then communicating, its easier then a potential and likely awkward silence, its easier then judgment, its easier to enjoy the distant chatter, self provocing thoughts, and a 5 minute ride down 18 we've all enjoyed more then a few times.
Alright, we'll that'll be the thoughts for today. Thanks for hollarin!
Here I am. So, I am keenly aware that every time I spot a girl, I immediately decide if I would fuck her or not. Under one second and my decision is made. I also realized that they type of girl I am most attracted to is probably in the 8 range. Not a 10. Why is this? My theory is that by basic psychological theory you are automatically attracted to someone at you're level, and you subconsciously know essentially what the best you can do is.
Ex. Fat people with fat people, pretty people with pretty people.
It is a rare occasion that we see fat people with pretty people. I know, it sounds mean. In general just calling someone a fat person is mean, but this is strictly unspecific so we're gonna let it slide. I guess I would consider myself an 8 then. Puts things in perspective.
I just ignored an IM from someone. I ignore IM's, calls, texts. I'm kind of douchebag(I know its two words but I prefer it as one). Look at me, striving to hit my goals. If being friends with someone doesn't really prove to be beneficial, I just ignore them. If being friends with someone proves to be beneficial, I'll embrace them. Sometimes I choose to embrace those who I ignore most of the time, out of convinence and need.
My relaxed life is great. My roommate is awesome, we both live a very lax life.
( Confession: All day I think of things in rhymes, like I'm a rapper or something, its wierd. Like im outty like mctouty. That doesnt even make sence. Just now when I wrote lax, in my head I thought lax like ajax. I mean, why? lol. I'm sure I'll stop doing that soon, I really only started thinking that recently. I'm also trying to think of a new catch phrase or word to begin using so thats partially the reason. I often create new phrases and words and people like it, so I keep doing it, but I have to continually update my vocabulary. )
My new profile picture is kind of creepy ha. Its a compilation of picture of myself mashed together and edited in paint. So, now you kind of know what I look like. I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday and I'm so fuckin excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I hope it will be atleast. I read a book once about how we always overestimate how happy something is going to make us, and I am constantly trying to save myself from overestimating by resestimating. I am excited though. Hopefully I'll just be drinking all the time.
I told myself you know I'm not going to care about my health and this and that, maybe I'll start smoking, drinking all the time. But, unfortunately, I'm too cautious of a person. I can't bring myself to smoke all the time and shit. I have asthma and I know my risk for lung cancer is already increased by 50 percent automatically. Which is a staggering number. And I probably already smoke cigars once or twice a weekend. That's probably enough to increase my chances. I want to be a bad ass, and I'm just not. I wish being me was the coolest thing I could do.
Its funny how much things change from when we're little. Everything is nothing back then. That's my best friend and I when we were little. We'll he's not my best friend anymore, haven't spoken to him in atleast 9 years I'd say. When you're little, the difference between, right and wrong, bad and good, left and right, its so irrelevant, you're just innocent. I was walking to class, and a little girl out of a house delightfully bellowed, "Hola!" It made me feel so bright. I mean that girl said hi to me without knowing me, without even seeing my face, I was walking passed her 10 ft away, and of course I awkwardly replied, "Hola." She got so much pleasure from such a simple interaction, and she doesn't have a clue that screaming to strangers is probably not the smartest idea. But it definitely brightend my day. I walk down the street and I'll be standing next to someone, I'll be on the bus, smushed up next to someone, and neither of us will even recognize the exisitance of the other. We attempt to ignore eachother because thats easier, thats easier then getting to know eachother, its easier then communicating, its easier then a potential and likely awkward silence, its easier then judgment, its easier to enjoy the distant chatter, self provocing thoughts, and a 5 minute ride down 18 we've all enjoyed more then a few times.
Alright, we'll that'll be the thoughts for today. Thanks for hollarin!
Monday, September 22, 2008
This is my new way to pass my time and my to do list for this year
Now that I have all of this time on my hands( being that I am shed from the oppressive life of the employee), I think a lot more in general and then I feel the need to relay that on to my blog. It keeps me busy in not so many words.
This year I am going to try to accomplish a few things which I will write here, some of which I have most likely mentioned before but hopefully this will be clearer for you and myself as well. Lets call this a New Years Resolution of sorts, maybe an End of Year to the New Year Resolution.
TO DO:
1) Write some really great music
2) Force myself to sing and write lyrics to any great songs I create
3) Focus my attention on being creative
4) Make the lives of my family better
5) Set a Goal for my future
6) Become more of a douche bag
7) In reference to 6), stay true to my true self
8) Follow my heart
9) Find 2 new good friends
10) Fuck 3 sluts
11) While in search of sluts; also dedicate my attention to finding a girl who I can envision myself with, have intelligent conversation, and one who I find myself being extremely physically attracted to as well. Someone I would like to take home to mom, one who I will take home to mom, and someone new.
12) Keep up this blog
13) Open my eyes to new things
14) Have an adventure
15) Read a book, and finish it
16) Keep myself on deans list, receive a 3.5 or higher.
17) Truly forget and discard the idea of that girl, then become friends with her
A SIDE NOTE:
Well that should do for now. I want to quickly refer back to numbers 6 and 7. I was thinking today about my summer, and in particular two clients that I had dealt with. One was awesome, and the other terrible. One would make me feel terrible every time I even thought about going to their home, and the other made me feel comfortable going back there even to this day for some coffee. The one who made me feel comfortable reminds me of the type of person who I would strive to be in the future. I would describe the one who I hate as a douche bag, and I certainly do not want to be a douche bag like that and certainly do not want to keep up being a douche bag for the rest of my life. Its a semi-permanent goal and more a representation of a lifestyle and attitude change. The client which I thoroughly enjoyed said to me when I finished after I thanked them for being so great, "We like to think that we're working with the people who work on projects around our home," and this philosophy obviously transcended only household projects but everything they did in their life. Now and for the rest of my life I hope that I can be this type of person, who will always lend a helping hand at my own expense.
RELIGION
I have spend a good amount of time contemplating religion. It fascinates me how people connect with religion, with GOD. How they bring him into their lives, how it 'saves' them. Why does this happen, its quite a phenomenon. I mean, this type of things goes against all logic. It is completely based on faith and not fact. And it consumes people. I want to mention two cases I have studied of religious interactions. One is my friend who we will call Sandy. Sandy is extremely religious and we have spend plenty of time discussing religion with one another. She is perfectly aware that I am not overly accepting of the idea and I am perfectly aware of her love of GOD. And this is what makes our conversations quite stimulating. Also, I have been educated in the bible, taking both courses on the New and Old Testament. I have studied contradictory passages, passages that go against so much logical knowledge, passages encouraging slavery, the oppression of women and disrespectful acts that Jesus himself has performed. With that aside, while talking with her, I found that she really needs GOD because of her need for a father figure. And GOD is that for her. She has never had much interaction with her father, he is MIA. Not in her life at all. GOD fills a void. Now let me move to a band, As Cities Burn, they are what I would describe as Christian Hardcore. Every song either explicitly mentions Jesus/GOD or implicitly does. And a few of their songs mention their loss of their father early in their life, he walked out on them.
GOD as long as you're faith is intact, can NEVER walk out on you.
I think that this is important to note. People find religion when the need something more in their life. And they are convinced that GOD is what they need, that Jesus will same them. For me, their is just too much wrong with religion, too much close mindedness, too much illegitimate story telling. I cannot accept it. My friend Sandy tells me that GOD has presented so many opportunities for me to accept him and I continue to reject him. Unfortunately that is my choice, or fortunately that is my choice, I do not believe that rejecting GOD makes me a bad person. I keep myself open to all possibilities, but I cannot with a full heart ever say that I believe in GOD, and I can never really say that I disbelieve either. Who am I to know such a thing.
An idea like GOD is for no one to decide if he is a truth or a lie. If you study the origin of religions, it only makes one wonder more how anyone can put their faith so blindly in place.
Religion is a product of fear.
PART 2:
In class today, this is an early class so I'm already in an irritable state, but this is something I notice kids doing all the time and its just pretentious. The professor makes an extremely obvious mistake, why point it out? Its only for self gratification. Everyone notices, and if they don't it does not matter because its so simple that its not something that would destroy anyone in the future. The professor is embarrassed, pretends to be grateful for the comment, changes it, and we all move on. The one who mentions it then feels like they just accomplished something great. Why? Because you know that 8x8 is 16 and not 14? In the grand scheme of the problem its useless, the method is what matters. Self gratification is not necessarily a problem in many cases, you need to make yourself feel good, and you should make yourself feel good often. However, in that case it is pretentious and at the expense of others. There really is not benefit to such a correction.
My roommate mentioned today how 'our generation' his grandparents mentioned are obsessed with self gratification. I believe it. I like to satisfy myself all the time. I just picked up a great big brand new hdtv, only to make myself feel good, only to show others that come into my room how great I am. But its not really at the expense of anyone. Only my wallet. And my wallet doesn't mind.
I think I'm going to write up a list of things that I hate, because part of my old me is someone who would try to like everything, and everyone. I think I'm going to stop doing that. I know that in my blogs, I definitely write about things that bother me, but in life, I rarely think badly about people, things, and I try hard to keep that up. Lets become a hater.
I hate:
1) Anyone who thinks they're better then me(no ones better then me)
2) The fact that I can't get any girl I want
3) People whom are pretentious( see previous passages)
4) Close mindedness
5) Waking up early
6) Not being able to sleep
7) Corrupt Politicians
8) Losing
9) Standardized Testing
10) Coming up with things I hate
This year I am going to try to accomplish a few things which I will write here, some of which I have most likely mentioned before but hopefully this will be clearer for you and myself as well. Lets call this a New Years Resolution of sorts, maybe an End of Year to the New Year Resolution.
TO DO:
1) Write some really great music
2) Force myself to sing and write lyrics to any great songs I create
3) Focus my attention on being creative
4) Make the lives of my family better
5) Set a Goal for my future
6) Become more of a douche bag
7) In reference to 6), stay true to my true self
8) Follow my heart
9) Find 2 new good friends
10) Fuck 3 sluts
11) While in search of sluts; also dedicate my attention to finding a girl who I can envision myself with, have intelligent conversation, and one who I find myself being extremely physically attracted to as well. Someone I would like to take home to mom, one who I will take home to mom, and someone new.
12) Keep up this blog
13) Open my eyes to new things
14) Have an adventure
15) Read a book, and finish it
16) Keep myself on deans list, receive a 3.5 or higher.
17) Truly forget and discard the idea of that girl, then become friends with her
A SIDE NOTE:
Well that should do for now. I want to quickly refer back to numbers 6 and 7. I was thinking today about my summer, and in particular two clients that I had dealt with. One was awesome, and the other terrible. One would make me feel terrible every time I even thought about going to their home, and the other made me feel comfortable going back there even to this day for some coffee. The one who made me feel comfortable reminds me of the type of person who I would strive to be in the future. I would describe the one who I hate as a douche bag, and I certainly do not want to be a douche bag like that and certainly do not want to keep up being a douche bag for the rest of my life. Its a semi-permanent goal and more a representation of a lifestyle and attitude change. The client which I thoroughly enjoyed said to me when I finished after I thanked them for being so great, "We like to think that we're working with the people who work on projects around our home," and this philosophy obviously transcended only household projects but everything they did in their life. Now and for the rest of my life I hope that I can be this type of person, who will always lend a helping hand at my own expense.
RELIGION
I have spend a good amount of time contemplating religion. It fascinates me how people connect with religion, with GOD. How they bring him into their lives, how it 'saves' them. Why does this happen, its quite a phenomenon. I mean, this type of things goes against all logic. It is completely based on faith and not fact. And it consumes people. I want to mention two cases I have studied of religious interactions. One is my friend who we will call Sandy. Sandy is extremely religious and we have spend plenty of time discussing religion with one another. She is perfectly aware that I am not overly accepting of the idea and I am perfectly aware of her love of GOD. And this is what makes our conversations quite stimulating. Also, I have been educated in the bible, taking both courses on the New and Old Testament. I have studied contradictory passages, passages that go against so much logical knowledge, passages encouraging slavery, the oppression of women and disrespectful acts that Jesus himself has performed. With that aside, while talking with her, I found that she really needs GOD because of her need for a father figure. And GOD is that for her. She has never had much interaction with her father, he is MIA. Not in her life at all. GOD fills a void. Now let me move to a band, As Cities Burn, they are what I would describe as Christian Hardcore. Every song either explicitly mentions Jesus/GOD or implicitly does. And a few of their songs mention their loss of their father early in their life, he walked out on them.
GOD as long as you're faith is intact, can NEVER walk out on you.
I think that this is important to note. People find religion when the need something more in their life. And they are convinced that GOD is what they need, that Jesus will same them. For me, their is just too much wrong with religion, too much close mindedness, too much illegitimate story telling. I cannot accept it. My friend Sandy tells me that GOD has presented so many opportunities for me to accept him and I continue to reject him. Unfortunately that is my choice, or fortunately that is my choice, I do not believe that rejecting GOD makes me a bad person. I keep myself open to all possibilities, but I cannot with a full heart ever say that I believe in GOD, and I can never really say that I disbelieve either. Who am I to know such a thing.
An idea like GOD is for no one to decide if he is a truth or a lie. If you study the origin of religions, it only makes one wonder more how anyone can put their faith so blindly in place.
Religion is a product of fear.
PART 2:
In class today, this is an early class so I'm already in an irritable state, but this is something I notice kids doing all the time and its just pretentious. The professor makes an extremely obvious mistake, why point it out? Its only for self gratification. Everyone notices, and if they don't it does not matter because its so simple that its not something that would destroy anyone in the future. The professor is embarrassed, pretends to be grateful for the comment, changes it, and we all move on. The one who mentions it then feels like they just accomplished something great. Why? Because you know that 8x8 is 16 and not 14? In the grand scheme of the problem its useless, the method is what matters. Self gratification is not necessarily a problem in many cases, you need to make yourself feel good, and you should make yourself feel good often. However, in that case it is pretentious and at the expense of others. There really is not benefit to such a correction.
My roommate mentioned today how 'our generation' his grandparents mentioned are obsessed with self gratification. I believe it. I like to satisfy myself all the time. I just picked up a great big brand new hdtv, only to make myself feel good, only to show others that come into my room how great I am. But its not really at the expense of anyone. Only my wallet. And my wallet doesn't mind.
I think I'm going to write up a list of things that I hate, because part of my old me is someone who would try to like everything, and everyone. I think I'm going to stop doing that. I know that in my blogs, I definitely write about things that bother me, but in life, I rarely think badly about people, things, and I try hard to keep that up. Lets become a hater.
I hate:
1) Anyone who thinks they're better then me(no ones better then me)
2) The fact that I can't get any girl I want
3) People whom are pretentious( see previous passages)
4) Close mindedness
5) Waking up early
6) Not being able to sleep
7) Corrupt Politicians
8) Losing
9) Standardized Testing
10) Coming up with things I hate
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Hangin with mr. cooper
Sunday night.
The weekend came and went like piping hot cakes. Tomorrow I have to get myself out of bed and down to college ave by 8:20. And earlier if I want to get some breakfast. Life has been easy. It's been simple. I feel like it has been at least.
I really just get up, go to class, try and pay attention, and go back home. Sit here, and think.
I go to the library for fun, for exhilaration, to hopefully knock into someone I haven't seen in a while and talk. I go to the library to blog and drink coffee.
I have a new attitude. I don't remember if blogged about this yet, I probably did, but my new goal of this year is to be a douchebag. I really want people to think that I'm 'not that nice.' That's the goal, if I can reach it is another story. I do enjoy myself, I also hate myself.
Today I found out the my sister now has a boy friend. My older one. This is her first boyfriend in all 22 years of her life. That's pretty serious. I think its a big deal, but she's not trying to make a big deal out of it. He's a pretty nice guy it seems like. Hopefully it works out so I dont have to kick his ass. I'm thinking about subtly revealing my identity soon. I'm sure if anyone that knew me read this blog they would know who it was, but whats the purpose of hiding?
Why do I hide?
I can't really say, its got to be a part of my past that doesn't allow myself to open up to people. My true personality is unknown to even myself. I'm a Pisces. Pisces have the tendency to take on others identity's without trying. I often find myself acting like people that I spend a lot of time around, even a few hours in a car with someone and I will absorb their personality. Who knows. Maybe mt personality is real. Maybe its my own but I just have a hard time clicking with people for all types of reasons. It's partially because of my middle years of insecurity. Made me insecure for a while, and it carries on I can't really get out of it. I'm going to read and get my chinese food. I'll see you when I bleed you.
The weekend came and went like piping hot cakes. Tomorrow I have to get myself out of bed and down to college ave by 8:20. And earlier if I want to get some breakfast. Life has been easy. It's been simple. I feel like it has been at least.
I really just get up, go to class, try and pay attention, and go back home. Sit here, and think.
I go to the library for fun, for exhilaration, to hopefully knock into someone I haven't seen in a while and talk. I go to the library to blog and drink coffee.
I have a new attitude. I don't remember if blogged about this yet, I probably did, but my new goal of this year is to be a douchebag. I really want people to think that I'm 'not that nice.' That's the goal, if I can reach it is another story. I do enjoy myself, I also hate myself.
Today I found out the my sister now has a boy friend. My older one. This is her first boyfriend in all 22 years of her life. That's pretty serious. I think its a big deal, but she's not trying to make a big deal out of it. He's a pretty nice guy it seems like. Hopefully it works out so I dont have to kick his ass. I'm thinking about subtly revealing my identity soon. I'm sure if anyone that knew me read this blog they would know who it was, but whats the purpose of hiding?
Why do I hide?
I can't really say, its got to be a part of my past that doesn't allow myself to open up to people. My true personality is unknown to even myself. I'm a Pisces. Pisces have the tendency to take on others identity's without trying. I often find myself acting like people that I spend a lot of time around, even a few hours in a car with someone and I will absorb their personality. Who knows. Maybe mt personality is real. Maybe its my own but I just have a hard time clicking with people for all types of reasons. It's partially because of my middle years of insecurity. Made me insecure for a while, and it carries on I can't really get out of it. I'm going to read and get my chinese food. I'll see you when I bleed you.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Just tryin to live
All I'm trying to do is live. I'm drunk.
All Im trying to do is live. I want to talk to girls, and I did it a little bit, but not enough. Maybe its baby steps. Maybe its pussy steps. One of my friends was there, he's got it easy, two sexy girls approached him while he was just sittin there. That's annoying, I feel like I would play that to the end.
I'm pretty pathetic sometimes.
I was lookin good too. The girls liked the new do, and everyone always likes my style. I lost my sweater. I liked that sweater alot too. I think someone stole it, I'll have to check in with lex about that one. I text the girl that I hate, I hate and love her, shes such a bitch! Ahhhh god, even lex said she was a bitch tonight, and that she was different and shit, and still when I'm drunk I want her more then ever, why?!!!! is it because I can't have her?
Its annoying. Its life.
I made the previous blog, I made it with no written entry. I made all of those pictures/ designs, I just started kind of making drawings on my computer and making cool pictures out of them, I thought that they looked really cool. Life.
Im gonna pass out. late
All Im trying to do is live. I want to talk to girls, and I did it a little bit, but not enough. Maybe its baby steps. Maybe its pussy steps. One of my friends was there, he's got it easy, two sexy girls approached him while he was just sittin there. That's annoying, I feel like I would play that to the end.
I'm pretty pathetic sometimes.
I was lookin good too. The girls liked the new do, and everyone always likes my style. I lost my sweater. I liked that sweater alot too. I think someone stole it, I'll have to check in with lex about that one. I text the girl that I hate, I hate and love her, shes such a bitch! Ahhhh god, even lex said she was a bitch tonight, and that she was different and shit, and still when I'm drunk I want her more then ever, why?!!!! is it because I can't have her?
Its annoying. Its life.
I made the previous blog, I made it with no written entry. I made all of those pictures/ designs, I just started kind of making drawings on my computer and making cool pictures out of them, I thought that they looked really cool. Life.
Im gonna pass out. late
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Appreciation
I am trying to really appreciate all types of things lately. I know that is a bit broad but for example: Art, Music, Life, Family, Friends. These are a few things that I am beginning to try and appreciate a bit more. We'll see if anything really changes, lol. I never was really into museums or anything like that but lately I have been really wanting to visit some. There is one right here at school and I think I'm going to try and go this week it always seemed really cool there. I decided recently that I wanted to smoke some weed, so I think this week my roommate and I are going to get some. I keep feeling like If I smoke maybe my eyes will be kind of opened to appreciating these things in a different way. I definitely want to watch this movie I borrowed from my sister, I think it will be cool. I was never big into smoking so I hope its fun and enlightening when we do smoke because I feel like it never really has been all that great.
I went to NYC with a friend of mine on monday. We kind of just wondered around for a couple of hours haha and then finally went to brooklyn to visit some of our friends at their apartment. Really, they are not so much mine as they are his friends, but I definitely had a good time and maybe I can consider them my friends as well now. Maybe, maybe not. Its kind of weird, like those kids went to highschool with me, and seeing them for the first time in 2 or 3 years didn't like bring back memories rushing back or anything, I didnt feel like it had been so long since highschool, but in reality it has been. Life is new now.
The lifestyle of those kids in the city is great. It's like freshmen year plus sex. I loved the newness and random drunken nights of my freshmen year. And I want to recreate that. I want to recreate that with more sex lol.
I had a pretty odd and cool dream last night. Two actually I guess that I remember. In one, I was in a kitchen, in my house or someone familiars house, and the girl I'v been hooking up with was there as well as some other girl who I can't remember, both asian. And I had been hooking up with her as well in the dream atleast. And then the second one kind of discretely because my ex girl friend and I didn't really notice the change. So my ex who I havnt spoken too for at least 4 years now was trying to play the dominant roll over the other girl and attempting to be possessive over me and to not piss her off, I allowed it. So in the end, it was awkward and weird and I told her that we're broken up, but it was really good to see her and we should hang out soon and that I missed her and her parents.
I believe that this dream has something to do with the fact that I have recently been talking to my other ex and she hasn't gotten back to my last message yet, and that makes me feel kind of awkward. It also bring about my feelings I think about the new girl I'm hooking up with because I do kind of want someone to bring me back to my past in a way, in a way bring me back to how I used to feel about some girls, but with a new girl. Which brings me to my next dream.
I was waiting in line for a sandwich at a very popular deli(similar to the one I was at in NYC). A lot of people were there in line and I ordered my sandwich and payed for it, and everyone was getting theirs except for me. And I asked the guy what was going on, he told me that we ran out of what I wanted and that I need to pay him for another one. I couldn't believe it. I pretty much just refuted what he said told him I already payed him 10 for a 5 dollar sandwich(and I can't figure out why I did that in the first place) and that I'll just take a Sub with provolone and swiss cheese. There was a girl next to me witnessing this whole debacle and she wasn't cute at all, I'd rate her a 4 and she was very close to me and touching me, it was a close quarters deli so it wasn't awkward and I just put my arm around her and we laughed about what had happened. Then she turned around and again like in my last dream discretely changed into a much cuter girl and we continued talking and flirting. I was having an awesome time talking to her in line and when we got out I just asked her, "Hey you know if I could get you're number that'd be cool and I'll give you a call sometime." or something like that. And I've never asked a girl for her number like that before, but I obviously have the desire to. During this whole thing also my roommate was also in the deli and I was watching him the whole time because I wanted him to see me talking to this girl and then I wanted to flaunt that I got her number. I remember that pretty clearly.
This dream I interpret as initially my feeling that I am kind of always last in line really because I am just 'too nice.' But it also shows how I know that I can be and am confident in many situations and can do something like the most important thing to me, meet a nice new girl. For instance, the other day on the bus I was talking to this really cute girl who I had known for a while but never really talked to all that much, shes friends of friends and all that. Anyway, I made a point to keep the conversation going the entire ride back and we exchanged numbers. I haven't actually hit her up, but I feel like the ball in kind of in her court in this particular situation.
Maybe thats one of my problems though, I almost always place the ball in someone elses court. Expecting them to shoot it my way. I have to keep more in touch with people, and expect them to keep less in touch with me. Thats important.
Its funny how often I think, "I am the perfect person." I really think that so often. I think its true. But I still have flaws, I'm just the best that you're gonna get. Sorry other people.
I went to NYC with a friend of mine on monday. We kind of just wondered around for a couple of hours haha and then finally went to brooklyn to visit some of our friends at their apartment. Really, they are not so much mine as they are his friends, but I definitely had a good time and maybe I can consider them my friends as well now. Maybe, maybe not. Its kind of weird, like those kids went to highschool with me, and seeing them for the first time in 2 or 3 years didn't like bring back memories rushing back or anything, I didnt feel like it had been so long since highschool, but in reality it has been. Life is new now.
The lifestyle of those kids in the city is great. It's like freshmen year plus sex. I loved the newness and random drunken nights of my freshmen year. And I want to recreate that. I want to recreate that with more sex lol.
I had a pretty odd and cool dream last night. Two actually I guess that I remember. In one, I was in a kitchen, in my house or someone familiars house, and the girl I'v been hooking up with was there as well as some other girl who I can't remember, both asian. And I had been hooking up with her as well in the dream atleast. And then the second one kind of discretely because my ex girl friend and I didn't really notice the change. So my ex who I havnt spoken too for at least 4 years now was trying to play the dominant roll over the other girl and attempting to be possessive over me and to not piss her off, I allowed it. So in the end, it was awkward and weird and I told her that we're broken up, but it was really good to see her and we should hang out soon and that I missed her and her parents.
I believe that this dream has something to do with the fact that I have recently been talking to my other ex and she hasn't gotten back to my last message yet, and that makes me feel kind of awkward. It also bring about my feelings I think about the new girl I'm hooking up with because I do kind of want someone to bring me back to my past in a way, in a way bring me back to how I used to feel about some girls, but with a new girl. Which brings me to my next dream.
I was waiting in line for a sandwich at a very popular deli(similar to the one I was at in NYC). A lot of people were there in line and I ordered my sandwich and payed for it, and everyone was getting theirs except for me. And I asked the guy what was going on, he told me that we ran out of what I wanted and that I need to pay him for another one. I couldn't believe it. I pretty much just refuted what he said told him I already payed him 10 for a 5 dollar sandwich(and I can't figure out why I did that in the first place) and that I'll just take a Sub with provolone and swiss cheese. There was a girl next to me witnessing this whole debacle and she wasn't cute at all, I'd rate her a 4 and she was very close to me and touching me, it was a close quarters deli so it wasn't awkward and I just put my arm around her and we laughed about what had happened. Then she turned around and again like in my last dream discretely changed into a much cuter girl and we continued talking and flirting. I was having an awesome time talking to her in line and when we got out I just asked her, "Hey you know if I could get you're number that'd be cool and I'll give you a call sometime." or something like that. And I've never asked a girl for her number like that before, but I obviously have the desire to. During this whole thing also my roommate was also in the deli and I was watching him the whole time because I wanted him to see me talking to this girl and then I wanted to flaunt that I got her number. I remember that pretty clearly.
This dream I interpret as initially my feeling that I am kind of always last in line really because I am just 'too nice.' But it also shows how I know that I can be and am confident in many situations and can do something like the most important thing to me, meet a nice new girl. For instance, the other day on the bus I was talking to this really cute girl who I had known for a while but never really talked to all that much, shes friends of friends and all that. Anyway, I made a point to keep the conversation going the entire ride back and we exchanged numbers. I haven't actually hit her up, but I feel like the ball in kind of in her court in this particular situation.
Maybe thats one of my problems though, I almost always place the ball in someone elses court. Expecting them to shoot it my way. I have to keep more in touch with people, and expect them to keep less in touch with me. Thats important.
Its funny how often I think, "I am the perfect person." I really think that so often. I think its true. But I still have flaws, I'm just the best that you're gonna get. Sorry other people.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Rememberance
What is the importance of remembering a tragedy?
Today is 9/11/08 so its been 7 years since the September 11th attacks. Why do people feel the need to remember? Especially those with no real connection to anyone lost. And I don't mean specifically this event, in general. You will see in peoples profiles, with wrist bands they wear, and etc. peoples need to show that they have not forgotten. Why is that something we feel is necessary?
I have never really lost someone to close to me, so that may be likely why I do not really see the need for this ritual. I always think that its probably better not to dwell on the past. I mean maybe thinking about it, and 'not forgetting', once a year is not so much dwelling, and more of a respectful action. However, I think that keeping in ones profile, like Danny Velloinzid 1987-2007 never forget. Or something like that is a bit on the dwelling side. What makes someone feel that writing that is a good idea. Its like reliving the tragedy over and over every time you're online. And forcing others to relive it.
Forgetting I really do not see as a negative. Its very different from sort of rejecting it or unhealthily pretending it never happened because its painful. Forgetting, in a way really just letting it slip into the backburner of you're mind is a way of allowing you're self to move on and bring new light into you're life. Remembrance is a negative thing in a way. Moving forward is a positive.
Alright so now back to me for a minute here.
So its game day here. And I realize of course its not exactly a development, but it does kind of sink in a bit more legitimately over time. I really don't have any friends and it definitely sucks a bit id say. I mean its game day, and I didn't get a text from anyone, or a call, or a facebook message, or anything about going to the game, drinking, tailgating, nothing and it definitely sucks. I mean, i just really don't have anyone who thinks that I'm fun enough I guess to contact. And you know, I'm not the type of person, and I dont feel that comfortable trying be more proactive and texting or calling people to attempt to invite myself along with them. I really feel like a douchbag right now. What did I get myself into? I am definitely lame. I will probably go to the game, drink, like I'm drinking now, and if I dont really meet friends there, besides the one I'm going with, then I will probably come back home and watch some tv, and go to bed. I just dont connect with people on a level beyond level one. Which is acquaintances, and I mentioned two or three blogs ago. I have about 2 friends that ever text or call me to hang out if I dont contact them first. And I do love those friends. I definitely do. I don't take it for granted. But I also think that our relationships, as much as I appreciate it, and I am sure they do as well. They also have other friends that I think are as close or closer the them and vice versa, then we are close.
I know that I complain a lot. But Its really just complaining to myself. I don't really complain to others, I kind of put on a persona. But It isnt exactly a persona, its really me. I'm just a bit depressed right now because I'm drinking and alone(well with my roommate). But I am generally happy. But I think that when I'm happy I am in a kind of imagining that everything is alright. But really its not. Anyway. I'm gonna go now. I'll have to catch up with you later.
Today is 9/11/08 so its been 7 years since the September 11th attacks. Why do people feel the need to remember? Especially those with no real connection to anyone lost. And I don't mean specifically this event, in general. You will see in peoples profiles, with wrist bands they wear, and etc. peoples need to show that they have not forgotten. Why is that something we feel is necessary?
I have never really lost someone to close to me, so that may be likely why I do not really see the need for this ritual. I always think that its probably better not to dwell on the past. I mean maybe thinking about it, and 'not forgetting', once a year is not so much dwelling, and more of a respectful action. However, I think that keeping in ones profile, like Danny Velloinzid 1987-2007 never forget. Or something like that is a bit on the dwelling side. What makes someone feel that writing that is a good idea. Its like reliving the tragedy over and over every time you're online. And forcing others to relive it.
Forgetting I really do not see as a negative. Its very different from sort of rejecting it or unhealthily pretending it never happened because its painful. Forgetting, in a way really just letting it slip into the backburner of you're mind is a way of allowing you're self to move on and bring new light into you're life. Remembrance is a negative thing in a way. Moving forward is a positive.
Alright so now back to me for a minute here.
So its game day here. And I realize of course its not exactly a development, but it does kind of sink in a bit more legitimately over time. I really don't have any friends and it definitely sucks a bit id say. I mean its game day, and I didn't get a text from anyone, or a call, or a facebook message, or anything about going to the game, drinking, tailgating, nothing and it definitely sucks. I mean, i just really don't have anyone who thinks that I'm fun enough I guess to contact. And you know, I'm not the type of person, and I dont feel that comfortable trying be more proactive and texting or calling people to attempt to invite myself along with them. I really feel like a douchbag right now. What did I get myself into? I am definitely lame. I will probably go to the game, drink, like I'm drinking now, and if I dont really meet friends there, besides the one I'm going with, then I will probably come back home and watch some tv, and go to bed. I just dont connect with people on a level beyond level one. Which is acquaintances, and I mentioned two or three blogs ago. I have about 2 friends that ever text or call me to hang out if I dont contact them first. And I do love those friends. I definitely do. I don't take it for granted. But I also think that our relationships, as much as I appreciate it, and I am sure they do as well. They also have other friends that I think are as close or closer the them and vice versa, then we are close.
I know that I complain a lot. But Its really just complaining to myself. I don't really complain to others, I kind of put on a persona. But It isnt exactly a persona, its really me. I'm just a bit depressed right now because I'm drinking and alone(well with my roommate). But I am generally happy. But I think that when I'm happy I am in a kind of imagining that everything is alright. But really its not. Anyway. I'm gonna go now. I'll have to catch up with you later.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Livin La vida Loca
I was sitting here, opened up to the blog page and then the title just came to me. Livin La Vida Loca, haha I don't know why. And then it made me think of the Thong Song by sisco, and now I'm watching the video which is a good deal. You know, its kinda weird how google owns everything. They own this website, they own YouTube, they own google lol.
Hmm, it's been a lazy ass day, just lazed the hell around. Did nothing, didnt go out to any parties tonight. I drank thursday and friday so that was enough I guess. Thursday holy crap, I drank this old ass liquor I had sitting around and ended up tossing up in the morning 3 times haha. I had to leave class and I didnt even make it to the bathroom lol. What a day that was, and then I was drinking by 8 oclock again lol. Thats whats good. I have also been really trying to push myself to flirt with girls better/ more naturally is probably a better description. And I've been doing pretty well, holding good conversations and not really leaving room for friendship trying to keep more a dominant roll in the conversation which I think has been good. I'm determined to get better at closing the deal by the end of this semester, hopefully by the end of the month, I just need to keep meeting new people.
Meeting new people, not even just girls, mostly though, is going to be the theme of this year. I want to broaden my social horizons. I need a type of action plan to do this, but I am positive that I can pull it off and meet a lot of new homies. Make mad homies, that is the plan. Bring some love into my life. Today I just lazed around with my roommate and watched like 50 movies haha, that not exactly meeting new people but it was pouring rain out, and actually, I met two new girls this morning and did awesome with keeping the conversation going and I think I put myself in a sort of good place in their minds. Success.
I need a life. I need a girl. I need to keep up my grades and motivate myself. I need to practice more guitar. I need a new toy. I need to sleep better. I need to be more comfortable with myself. I need to leave each day with no regrets, and progress with each day. I have to eat healthier. I have to go to the gym. I have to keep writing this blog.
I would like to buy myself either a new guitar, or something flashy like a nice big new tv. I do spend a lot of money, and I have to stop. But I have all this money coming to me now and I love buying new things haha, its a problem. I'm like a girl. I can't wait to pass out tonight, I think I'm going to take that melatonin and see how it works. I really love my bed, thats a plus right? Life has been pretty good lately, I feel really good about my decision to take some time off. I have been working nonstop since second semester freshmen year, and now its first semester junior year, I'll make sure to get a job before I turn 21 so that I just dont drain my bank account on alcohol.
Anyway, also, my ex girl friend messaged me on facebook. Which I thought was pretty damn cool. I'm sure she is just thinking about me and trying to see how I am doing, I know that there is no sort of romantic premise to the message but it was nice to hear from her regardless. We all know that I miss her and feel that the break up was mostlikely a mistake, but really, it was something that had to happen. I grew because of my time alone, and I did a lot of things I would not have done had we been together. Thats something that I never really realized before now. One great reason to write about you're feelings is that you open up areas of you're life and come to realizations like that, that normally you never would think of. Its pretty cool really. I told her we should hang out, and I really do want to, I think we can be good friends like we used to without and romantic involvement. And I think we should try to be friends like that, I am definitely mature enough and ready to hear about her boy friend or whoever and feel genuine happiness for her. Thats something I know in the past I was incapable of.
Damn my chest is so fuckin sore, I dont remember the last time I was this sore. I worked out hardcore at the gym like wednesday and today its fuckin hittin me, actually maybe thursday. I mean worked out both days, and today too but I did chest thursday. I'm trying to get myself back into the gym, back in shape. I'm gonna go because im getting tired. Goodnight.
Hmm, it's been a lazy ass day, just lazed the hell around. Did nothing, didnt go out to any parties tonight. I drank thursday and friday so that was enough I guess. Thursday holy crap, I drank this old ass liquor I had sitting around and ended up tossing up in the morning 3 times haha. I had to leave class and I didnt even make it to the bathroom lol. What a day that was, and then I was drinking by 8 oclock again lol. Thats whats good. I have also been really trying to push myself to flirt with girls better/ more naturally is probably a better description. And I've been doing pretty well, holding good conversations and not really leaving room for friendship trying to keep more a dominant roll in the conversation which I think has been good. I'm determined to get better at closing the deal by the end of this semester, hopefully by the end of the month, I just need to keep meeting new people.
Meeting new people, not even just girls, mostly though, is going to be the theme of this year. I want to broaden my social horizons. I need a type of action plan to do this, but I am positive that I can pull it off and meet a lot of new homies. Make mad homies, that is the plan. Bring some love into my life. Today I just lazed around with my roommate and watched like 50 movies haha, that not exactly meeting new people but it was pouring rain out, and actually, I met two new girls this morning and did awesome with keeping the conversation going and I think I put myself in a sort of good place in their minds. Success.
I need a life. I need a girl. I need to keep up my grades and motivate myself. I need to practice more guitar. I need a new toy. I need to sleep better. I need to be more comfortable with myself. I need to leave each day with no regrets, and progress with each day. I have to eat healthier. I have to go to the gym. I have to keep writing this blog.
I would like to buy myself either a new guitar, or something flashy like a nice big new tv. I do spend a lot of money, and I have to stop. But I have all this money coming to me now and I love buying new things haha, its a problem. I'm like a girl. I can't wait to pass out tonight, I think I'm going to take that melatonin and see how it works. I really love my bed, thats a plus right? Life has been pretty good lately, I feel really good about my decision to take some time off. I have been working nonstop since second semester freshmen year, and now its first semester junior year, I'll make sure to get a job before I turn 21 so that I just dont drain my bank account on alcohol.
Anyway, also, my ex girl friend messaged me on facebook. Which I thought was pretty damn cool. I'm sure she is just thinking about me and trying to see how I am doing, I know that there is no sort of romantic premise to the message but it was nice to hear from her regardless. We all know that I miss her and feel that the break up was mostlikely a mistake, but really, it was something that had to happen. I grew because of my time alone, and I did a lot of things I would not have done had we been together. Thats something that I never really realized before now. One great reason to write about you're feelings is that you open up areas of you're life and come to realizations like that, that normally you never would think of. Its pretty cool really. I told her we should hang out, and I really do want to, I think we can be good friends like we used to without and romantic involvement. And I think we should try to be friends like that, I am definitely mature enough and ready to hear about her boy friend or whoever and feel genuine happiness for her. Thats something I know in the past I was incapable of.
Damn my chest is so fuckin sore, I dont remember the last time I was this sore. I worked out hardcore at the gym like wednesday and today its fuckin hittin me, actually maybe thursday. I mean worked out both days, and today too but I did chest thursday. I'm trying to get myself back into the gym, back in shape. I'm gonna go because im getting tired. Goodnight.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Thinking
So I have really been doing a lot of thinking lately.
I have a really difficult decision to make and I feel like I am looking everywhere for an answer and I'm just not coming to a conclusion at all. This is probably the first blog I've written in a long time and will actually post. Sometimes I sign on, write a paragraph or two and don't post it, I'm not sure why. I think that just typing it all out is therapeutic enough without posting it on the world wide web.
How do I want the next year of my life to play out? And how will this next year effect the next and possibly others beyond. In the end, I want to just be happy, and successful. I want to succeed most at being happy. You know, this may be a classic case of the grass is always greener, but I think I need a serious companion. Whether it be a dog(which I really want), a new awesome friend, or best of all, a new girlfriend. It is undoubtedly time for a new girl I feel like. I think anyone that reads this blog is pretty sure about that also. But in the end I have to decide which way am I going to reach this. I have a world of options infront of me, and right now it seems like so few. Its one or the other, a life with choices, or a life dictated as it has been this past year. With the internship I just endured, at a first glance, it is an internship of great freedom. On the inside however, it is more of a prison. Mentally it is a prison. You are so consistently confined to the stresses and successes and good times and bad, but all of this, all of these feelings are in relation to one thing, to one item in life, to this one job or intership. Thats the life I led the past 8 months. I just don't know if I can live that life again. I feel so close to being free of that, to making choices again. Do I want to take the day off? Do I want to go to this party? Should I get another job or an internship? Picking the right thing for me is something I'll have a hard time doing. I recently took a short trip on my own to sort of soul search and just explore and take time off. And most of the time I had only one thing on my mind, and that was work. That is not the type of life I would like to lead. Its unfortunate that I cannot seperate myself from work the way I would want to, if I could, then this decision would not be so difficult.
With girls, I need to set more serious goals. Find one. Find two or three. Hang out with some girls I used to chill with, and chill with some new ones. I need to be confident enough to meet girls in situations that I normally would not. Thats important for sure.
Day 2:
This is a two day blog because I passed out while writing it. This morning I got a text from a girl trying to convince me to stick with this job. We'll talk later. Also, last night I got a call from a girl who is a good friend of mine. Probably one of the few people who I would consider a good friend, and oddly enough, we're probably not even that great of friends, but we can always be open with each other about things, and thats something important to me. I am not very open with a lot of people, but I think that when people really begin to open up to me I am willing to open up with them. I was watching a show, and I really related to one of the people yesterday. Its a reality show of course.
'I have 150 acquaintances'
Thats pretty much my life exactly. What keeps me from getting close to people? Something funny is that people immediately take a liking to me for some reason. I wont do anything special but people begin to trust and like me within a short period of time. I really do not know what it is. But that trait is what gets me 150 acquaintances. Not 150 friends, or 150 best friends. Not even 5 people that I feel I can really depend on to be there for me, and that I think I can tell anything, or really see myself being life long friends with. Honestly, however, my friends from back home are certainly a step above my friends from school. Thats pretty weird right? All the people from my home town really remained good friends with their original group. Kind of strange. People always say you'll never talk to people from highschool again. And fortunately for me, I do. Maybe people from New Jersey are not the type of people for me. I doubt it, lol. People everywhere are pretty similar. Anyway, im getting distracted so I'm gonna go. Later babes.
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