Here I am. So, I am keenly aware that every time I spot a girl, I immediately decide if I would fuck her or not. Under one second and my decision is made. I also realized that they type of girl I am most attracted to is probably in the 8 range. Not a 10. Why is this? My theory is that by basic psychological theory you are automatically attracted to someone at you're level, and you subconsciously know essentially what the best you can do is.
Ex. Fat people with fat people, pretty people with pretty people.
It is a rare occasion that we see fat people with pretty people. I know, it sounds mean. In general just calling someone a fat person is mean, but this is strictly unspecific so we're gonna let it slide. I guess I would consider myself an 8 then. Puts things in perspective.
I just ignored an IM from someone. I ignore IM's, calls, texts. I'm kind of douchebag(I know its two words but I prefer it as one). Look at me, striving to hit my goals. If being friends with someone doesn't really prove to be beneficial, I just ignore them. If being friends with someone proves to be beneficial, I'll embrace them. Sometimes I choose to embrace those who I ignore most of the time, out of convinence and need.
My relaxed life is great. My roommate is awesome, we both live a very lax life.
( Confession: All day I think of things in rhymes, like I'm a rapper or something, its wierd. Like im outty like mctouty. That doesnt even make sence. Just now when I wrote lax, in my head I thought lax like ajax. I mean, why? lol. I'm sure I'll stop doing that soon, I really only started thinking that recently. I'm also trying to think of a new catch phrase or word to begin using so thats partially the reason. I often create new phrases and words and people like it, so I keep doing it, but I have to continually update my vocabulary. )
My new profile picture is kind of creepy ha. Its a compilation of picture of myself mashed together and edited in paint. So, now you kind of know what I look like. I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday and I'm so fuckin excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I hope it will be atleast. I read a book once about how we always overestimate how happy something is going to make us, and I am constantly trying to save myself from overestimating by resestimating. I am excited though. Hopefully I'll just be drinking all the time.
I told myself you know I'm not going to care about my health and this and that, maybe I'll start smoking, drinking all the time. But, unfortunately, I'm too cautious of a person. I can't bring myself to smoke all the time and shit. I have asthma and I know my risk for lung cancer is already increased by 50 percent automatically. Which is a staggering number. And I probably already smoke cigars once or twice a weekend. That's probably enough to increase my chances. I want to be a bad ass, and I'm just not. I wish being me was the coolest thing I could do.
Its funny how much things change from when we're little. Everything is nothing back then. That's my best friend and I when we were little. We'll he's not my best friend anymore, haven't spoken to him in atleast 9 years I'd say. When you're little, the difference between, right and wrong, bad and good, left and right, its so irrelevant, you're just innocent. I was walking to class, and a little girl out of a house delightfully bellowed, "Hola!" It made me feel so bright. I mean that girl said hi to me without knowing me, without even seeing my face, I was walking passed her 10 ft away, and of course I awkwardly replied, "Hola." She got so much pleasure from such a simple interaction, and she doesn't have a clue that screaming to strangers is probably not the smartest idea. But it definitely brightend my day. I walk down the street and I'll be standing next to someone, I'll be on the bus, smushed up next to someone, and neither of us will even recognize the exisitance of the other. We attempt to ignore eachother because thats easier, thats easier then getting to know eachother, its easier then communicating, its easier then a potential and likely awkward silence, its easier then judgment, its easier to enjoy the distant chatter, self provocing thoughts, and a 5 minute ride down 18 we've all enjoyed more then a few times.
Alright, we'll that'll be the thoughts for today. Thanks for hollarin!
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