Out of Mind Experience

Out of mind

So lately I have been having these out of body experiences. Really, they're more of out of mind experiences. Ill explain. I am not actually viewing my body from out side(watching myself walk or anything), I am really just watching my mind from another mind, another perspective. This other mind is ignorant to the life I lead, it knows not of my anxieties and experiences like my true mind, it only observes and comments. For example, it will take a look at my life and think out interesting it is to lead that life, how odd and useless life really is. I love this state that I have been occasionally entering into. It only happens for really a few seconds at a time, but that mind is so carefree, its truly easy going and its so simple. It feels nice.
My true state of mind, is filled with questions, anxiety, fear, schedules, thoughts and everything a normal state of mind should be I guess. Life has been different lately, or this semester. I guess you should know that I am a sophmore in college living with 7 of my good friends. First semester of college was so new and exciting. Meeting new people, working hard to get good grades, and partying on the weekends. Everyone was so new and nice and interesting. I got to know so many cool people and we just had a great time together. Second semester was a bit harder. I was bored more often, not too many new people to meet, still loved the old ones, but there may have been some more bumps along the road, no more girl friend, and not much girl around at all. Sucks. But my friends were still there for me and real great. Got a job though to keep my mind off of things, worked a lot, and now Im just working more. Been in love with the same girl, can't tell if I really even like her anymore, don't even really speak with her too often but shes definitely the only girl I have been interested in for over a year now. So now I guess back to the present.
I work 5 days a week at a restaurant and 2 days a week at a work study job. I love work, or at least I guess psychologically I may have had to convince myself that I do since I'm always working. The people I work with are great, makes me really attached to this place, even thought somewhere else I can probably make a lot more money. Well see what happens with that. We're all just always laughing and we go through it all together, thats what so great about work, and my sister works with me, that makes it nice also. I would say that the only person I can be honest with is my sister, I can probably tell her everything, she surely knows more then anyone else about my life. Thats my problem. I need someone else, a best friend, a girl friend, someone I can really be myself, trust and confide in. Its hard. Hm. I have a few good friends but we're growing apart, thats what makes this semester harder and different from the other two. Instead of getting closer were drifting. Its just that lately, our interests, morals, and focuses have changes. We're all looking for the attention of girls, but I'm not looking for a slut, or a girl with a boy friend, my friends morals and interests are different, they're convinced joining a frat would increase their chance of getting girls, I'm convinced joining a frat may make me some better friends. I'm not in search of a girl thats interested in a guy cause he's in a frat, I don't think at least.
I'm always questioning things like that. Maybe I do want a slut, or maybe I need a slut. Maybe I'm just worried that I can't even get with a slut and that scares me, but really I know that I can lol, I'm a good looking guy, and so are both of my main friends I just talked about, we can get girls with out fraternities or they being overly promiscuous. All these things are why I enjoy these out of mind experiences. No worries with that mind, it makes me feel so amazingly care free. Its weird to talk about, or I guess type about. Who knows what I want. Theres so much that no one knows about me, that I dont really share with people, I have never told anyone about most of this. My sister knows about some of it.
The one real absolute love of my life is my guitar. I'm so in love with it. It has a broken string right now which is just the worst thing, but soon well be reunited, lol. I really do just love it though; playing guitar makes me feel so carefree also. Brings back great memories, lets me get my feelings out better then typing them out on blogspot ever could. I know that this blog is pretty broad in topics, long and dragging probably, but I dont care cause its really just for me. I just need to get all of these things out of my mind, maybe one day ill get a more care free mind back, I think soon I will actually. Ill let you know when. I have not always been an anxious and stressed person. Stress works well for me however, I am making money, doing really well in school, and I do still sometimes meet new people, hopefully one of these girls may be someone I can really experience fully.
Its quite ridiculous how the time is flying right now as I type, its already 3:09 and I should be sleeping 2 hours ago but I couldn't fall asleep. It could be the coffee I drank earlier. I need to cut off caffeine. Alright, well honestly, I think Ill end it here until next time. If anyone does read this please go ahead and comment or whatever, I think you can comment haha, I don't really know how this works. I'll be posting again soon I hope.