This is what real men keep quiet

Hm, life has been very different lately. I guess consistent with this whole semester tho. Tonight I'm back at school, in my bed wearing a hat and gloves cause our heating is broken. No good, but i guess im OK right now, not too cold. I'll review this weekend, it went by so slowly i feel like, I can't believe that thursday was only a few days ago. Wierd. Anyway, so Wednesday was a really good day, I mean its the biggest drinking holiday of the year supposedly, 'thanksgiving eve', and I got to bartend the back bar with one of our old managers who is a ballin bartender, so that was cool. Didnt make extravagant amount of money, but we didnt do so bad either. That was fun anyway, just enjoyed myself and very relaxed. Then Thursday was thanksgiving and I usually am not much for family, but lately I just take my family a little lighter and I am more of a sarcastic person around then, usually Im just shy around them which is not fun. But that was fun for the first half and then I just switched moods and wanted to get out of there lol, I dont know why. But I stayed home that night and woke up, went to the gym, and then out to work. Work was alright, I made alright money and then blew it all on C-low lol, im stupid but its ok, its really all for fun. I feel like most of my fun is at work. I cant help but think about how my friends are going to move next semester and I have to decide where I am going to live now. I cant keep my mind off of it. I feel a bit betrayed really.
So hm saturday I luckily had off, and I had a nice day, I went out to lunch with an old friend, went to see a movie with my mom and sister and then went to chill with my homies for a while, and then went to my work to chill, and I didn't plan on drinking and I got forced to by one of the bartenders, which was fine with me haha. I love it there. Like who goes to a place where they work for fun? Only us, or probably a lot of restaurant workers, but that really was lots of fun. I felt really accepted by the veteran of bartenders because he gave me all those drinks ha, it was nice of him to accept me that way. I wish I was 21 so I could really go out with my work friends. Whatever though, I have a good enough time. After that I went to chill with this girl, didn't bring a condom so nothing real serious happened. Stupid. I've been waiting for shit to go down, and it turns out so was she so thats good to know for next time. Woke up and brought the car home since I didn't want to drive after drinking. Mom didn't ask too many questions which was nice. Just slept off my exhaustion til like 1 this afternoon. But im so tired again now. I think I may have come down with mono, my sister has it, and I just have a terrible head cold, real stuffed up, my nose, ears, and my head hurts a bit, we'll see. Hopefully I get better soon. This cold house wont help.
I have been having a lot of religion talks lately. A really good one with my friend hanna, and a bad one with my boss lol, he wont listen to anything, I don't really understand the whole religion thing so much, imparticular right now christianity and judaism. Too many holes.
On to the title. I named it that because its a lyric from a song but it is something that relates to two parts of my life right now. One: If u listened to the song ud understand but you wont right now but because I am currently hooking up with this girl who I think wants more, and I don't, at least not right now. and Two: because I am considered a "nice guy" an image that I dont want to get rid of, an image that is true to my personality, but its not what girls want, I am considered and I quote a, "cute, hott, gentleman", and thats all I am. Not that I have trouble getting girls really but, the nice guy thing does not work in my favor, its more a friend attribute if you know what I'm saying.
Last but not least, my ex imed me today which was actually pretty surprising and really nice. I do actually think about her a lot oddly enough, Its been over a year, but she was everything that I want, and I have not found that again, I just feel so much like I would date her again in an instant, but I shouldn't nor should I make her make a decision like that, what if I hurt her again? That would be terrible, really. So Im tired of typing and Im going to bed, just wanted to get all of that out there. Hope nobody actually reads this. Later.

Tell me im only dreaming, tell me hes just sleeping

Another one of those days I guess. Can't really get enough of them. I'm trying to type and listen to music at the same time and its not working to well lol. So, I woke up as usual, ate way to much for breakfast, had a bad first half of my work out and a good last half. Went to the library, pretty good library time. I got to thinking about a lot of stuff at the library. Really brought back some old memories of mine, with some strong feelings, really weird. I was thinking about this girl that I was in love with, and I can't tell anymore if I am, but it doesn't matter cause thats not going anywhere anytime. But what matters is how I felt at the peak of my feelings, so much confusion, it was so crazy and they just come rushing back very suddenly and then also very dull, like I know intense the feelings were at the time so I feel it but its just an image of feelings. But, its just crazy thinking of that again, I barely talk to that girl anymore, it really sucks. It sucks how every things changed. The only stable good thing in my life is my work relationships, and my sister. I love the people I work with and I love my sister. Shes always there for me, I had to go spend time with her tonight. My roommates have really just completely lost themselves I feel like. I mean maybe its me but how can I tell? They want to move, they want me to move with them, but I don't want to. I have friends in this house, we would be ditching 4 of our friends, just to move two blocks away, and for what? I personally have nothing to gain by moving, moving is only going to have me lose my dignity as far as I can tell. Ditching friends of mine, fuck that. They say, "its too dirty here," "we'll get more girls if were in a frat." Wow, the two lamest things I think I maybe have ever heard. Maybe I'm just not up on that whole deal. Maybe smoking weed and being in a frat are two really cool things to do. I would join a frat, but to get away from idiots like my friends, not to get girls. Maybe I would get more girls, but thats really a plus. I can get girls now. God damn.
I really am so glad to have my sister. It's the best thing for me right now to have her, family is really great in the end. I don't care if im not so close with my other relatives, my immediate family is really great. Im so glad to have them. I can talk to my mom and my sisters when I need. Its nice. My older sister is smart, and she can give good advice if she is feeling level headed. Who knows when shes level headed though haha. She's pretty sick right now, still there for me though, and I am there if she needs me. Its good. And her roommate is real great too. I hope that my sister doesn't go to grad school in California, I sometimes think I want her to go there so that I can visit her, but fuck that also, I can go there myself, she doesn't need to live there. Her and I will always be best friends.
Life is really such a weird thing for me. I never know really whats going to happen next, very unpredictable life. Last year I would have predicted this year to be better then last, and last year was great. Too bad. This is like a 80% worse year then last year. I have my guitar, I was really inspired to play today, I played so well. I love days like that. Its like I am a god on guitar on days like today, I feel like no one can do better then me on guitar. I think I should be famous or something haha, Its so great. I also think about how one of my roommates who's being a dick can't touch me on guitar, he thinks he can, but he ain't got it. Sorry bro.
I'm glad that I'm talking to this girl right now. She's not the best girl in the world, but shes smart, cute, and interesting. Enough for me to allot some of my time to her. Life is a little easier with someone to hook up with from time to time, it can also be more complicated. I'm bad at deciding when its right to take it to the next level. Whatever, I don't really care, I think its next level time though. I like the next level, its a bit more fun.
I love blogs because on a day like today, I can really just get my thoughts out. Oh life. I have probably said that like 30 times throughout my blogs. Interest in this blog has diminished, I'm going to go to bed. Later blog.