I can't wait to get out dude

Seriously, I cannot wait to move. And honestly, after the summer I just feel like transferring, this environment is really draining for me now. Life has been just been hard lately. You know I've got class, work, and the internship and its freakin busy as hell. I am currently one of the top interns in the nation though, so that feels good. Its starting to pay off. I can't wait for school to end. I don't think I really did all that well this semester. We'll see how it ends up. I'm gonna be getting a grade back on a paper today, that'll have a pretty serious impact on my grade. I'm a slacker this semester. The summer is going to be very stressful, but hopefully fun. I set a dollar goal for myself, and if I do that much in sales I will have made about 30,000 by the end of the summer. So thats not too bad for a college kid.
I had a dream last night which fuckin sucked. It was with the girl that I have been thinking a lot about lately, and she came up to me and my friend and starts talking to her and she invites my friend to go to this show or something that she's in and doesnt invite me to go. Everyone of my friends but me was really invited. And its pretty much just a reflection of reality. About 2 or 3 weeks ago I get home from work and my friends are heading out and they're like, 'are you coming', and I didnt know where, and they were heading to this girls house for a party that she said nothing to me about. Me and this girl used to be mad tight, me and my friends used to be mad tight, shit just got wack over this year. I don't really know how to fix it all you know? I mean I can see how I pretty much created this environment for myself by working so much. But you know I'm at the point where I have to work, and now I just can't get out of a lot of my obligations. Its not my fault that these kids are fuckin lazy, and privileged, and don't work a fuckin day, sit around and can still afford to smoke weed, with their parents money. Its ridiculous. Life man. What can I do. I have a lot to think about. I just know this last month in the house may just be miserable. Atleast the next 2 weeks during finals, if they move back home then shit will be good. Hopefully they do.

6ft Small

I was watching made today. The kid could not read his lyrics to his friends and made coach, I felt bad for him, but I realize and know that what is holding me back from writing lyrics is my fear of people hearing them also. So I began to write and I came up with stuff I liked. I mean they coach said just write down everything that comes to your mind and it can become lyrics eventually its just your feelings. And I really do that with this blog most of the time, just write out my thoughts. So here goes, here is some of what I wrote to guitar something along these lines atleast:

Its 11 oclock, its 11 oh 1,
I'm sitting here dreaming of the morning sun,
Because I know this night will be just like the rest,
I'll try to be natural, and dress my best.

I want you to give me this last appeal,
I need to see if this how I truely feel,
Is one first kiss to much to ask?
If you dont like it it can be our last.

Through this claustrophobic house I can see your face,
I try to smile and make my last and final case,
thats what I said the last time,
I try to smile and make my last and final case,
that what I said the last time.


I want you to give me this last appeal,
I need to see if this how I truely feel,
Is one first kiss to much to ask?
If you dont like it it can be our last.

I wrote you this song because I can barely speak,
When I see you I just feel so damn weak,
I have this cryptonite I keep close to my heart,
It hurts so bad but I just can't fuckin part!

I wrote you this song because I can barely speak,
When I see you I just feel so damn freakin weak,
As the shadows fall upon me I watch this come apart,
Like a torn seam, from my quilted heart.

So give me this last appeal,
I need to see if this how I truely feel,
Is this kill to much to ask?
Its not your first, won't be your last.
Its not your first, won't be your last.

Not bad dude, Not bad. Letting those feeling out, you feel me? Are those lyrics corny? I guess really in a lot of ways all lyrics are corny. I think I might try this when I get home and see how it goes. I wrote alot of this just now actually. This is really about this party we had this past weekend, that damn girl that I fuckin liked forever was there of course and its just like I want to just pull her in and kiss her and see how it goes, but I dont have the guts lol, I mean I know that wouldnt go over well lol. Anyway, I really have to get going on my paper now and finish my tax extension filing, I'll catch u negros later.

Look into your eyes without shakin

My main issue in life is my assertiveness. I need to develop that part of myself. And I need to develop it this week. Ha, I have to be able to tell people how it it, and just be very a matter of fact about it. This is this and that is that, and its true, you can't question me cause I am right, take it or leave it. I pinpointed some major cracks in my estimating system and to fix a crack you have to caulk the seam by running a bead of caulk down it, smoothing it out with your thumb and then painting over that to protect the caulk and blend it in with the home. So I have to fill my crack and blend it in with myself. Be assertive while still keeping my original personality. Just having people trust me as I am. Two things I will break them down into two categories which were broken down for me.

1. Make them like you.
-Build Rapport, ask questions
-Include Facts about yourself
-Why are you doing this?
-Done at kitchen table.
-Must build trust.
-10 minutes minimum rapport building
-Keep asking questions about themselves