Dear Journal, its been a good day

Let me start with a small rant.

Just go on YouTube and type 'Fred' into the search bar. (side note; my roommates watching political video's which he really immerses himself in which is unhealthy i feel like in a way but we all have our bad habits lol I guess selective education isnt the worst, but he's watching them kind of loud and its annoying me, side note completed) Just watch one of these rediculous videos, I couldn't handle it. This kid must be making a ton of money from the YouTube partnership program because he is the #1 most subscribed all time and shit. Wow, I feel like thats just dumb, how rediculous? I just typed fred into google and its the same deal, the second one is his dumb ass.

Yes I am a hater. I am hating on him for being so popular for rediculously unfunny, annoying videos. I mean I watched this other kid who was kind of retarted but actually funny Dave Days, look him up that shits legit. I mean he's got clever songs, and its funny, watch the Miley Cyrus spoof totally hilarious. And its not in a wierd voice and all wierd, fuck that. Haha, this is funny too.

I just spent like 40 minutes watching more of those videos haha.

Anywayyyy, today was a good day, woke up, studied, went to class, watched a bit of behind the scenes to the movie, "Once" which I highly recommend of course and then went out to dinner with my old homies from work. Such a blast. I miss those kids a lot, I think we'll probably all see eachother a bit more often now that we saw eachother, everyone had a good time. Ok so I know I probably talk about different girls who I wanna fuck every blog, sometimes the same sometimes different but I have two more to post up here who I know I have spoken about in the past.

• One is just a girl I worked with a while ago and her personality is just so different and shes definitely damn cute but her personality just makes her so much sexier definitely makes me want to fuck her. So theres one.
• And two, is the girl I have been in love with for the past 2 years who I've mentioned many times. I recieved a Fbook comment from her and it just makes me want to slap her. I feel like I never want her to talk to me because it makes me think about her that much more. I admit to being jealous of the dude that shes unofficially 'with'. Very jealous. I would love to be that guy but unfortunately I can't be and it wont change. Its interesting that when I think of this girl I dont think about fucking her but more of just chilling out together...I dont see her as sexually, but i do see her as sexy. And most other girls I see mostly as pure objects.

I definitely objectify the shit out of girls. But not to their face, I want to change that...Continue objectifying them but just do it to their face more. I really should go to bed, I have an exam in the morning. I think I'm going to resolve to skip class in the morning and just go to my exam. Get a bit of extra sleep. That resolution makes me feel like continuing to blog. Everytime I think the word blog, I think about a scene in Californiacation(an awesome show!)

Eh peace

Freaked out morning

I was riding the bus this morning(not standing up thankfully) and I was hangin out on my iPhone doing that old deal when I came upon a facebook message. Totally freaked me out because the title was from one of my roommates and it read, "I am appalled by you're behaviour" or something like that and in the body of the message was a link to a blogger profile of course my heart skipped a few beats thinking she may have found this blog. Definitely scared me, but I guess I kind of have to let it be. I dont wanna be such a pussy that I'm so scared anyone ever finds this, if it happens it happens.

DISCLAIMER:
I appologize in advance if any of my friends find this and find the content to be appalling or unfair, rude, unlike me, mean, vulger, too sappy, sad, emo, and etc. This blog certainly reflects my many different moods at any given time, and each mood certainly contains a constant theme, that I'm sure is easily extracted.

I feel better having that little disclaimer in there. :)

So anyone that knows me probably now knows that I am inlove with the show 'It's always sunny in philadelphia' which is just the most awesome and hilarious show. And this saturday I will have the pleasure of going to paddy's pub which the show's pub is based off of. I'm pumped, so pumped. I hope I don't get stabbed lol.

Mmm, unfortunately I feel like I don't have too much to say...my roommate was just listening to some girl country singer lol, just thought I'd through that out there. Alright here's some news.

Theres this girl that I want to fuck so bad. Its crazy everytime I see her name on facebook on my feed I click it and stalk its so bad. I just think she's so sexy in a bad ass kind of way. Shes thin small and so sexy, great face too. Damn I want to fuck her more then anyone else for sure. I gotta make it my goal to fuck her before I leave school. Its doable, the only thing is she's friends with my Ex and when I was flirting with her before she'd be like but what about ur ex. And id be like fuck that bs.

I want to so bad be able to write a good song. Guitar's the easy part it could be two power chords, but with awesome lyrics and a good vocal melody and rythm it would be something completely new and I want that. I just have a lot of trouble puting my heart on my sleave like that for the world to see. Obviously look how much I freak just over the possibility that someone might see this lol. Singing a song to someone, even the idea of having someone hearing me sing in my room freaks me out because I know I can't sing lol. Im dumb.

It impresses me that a website like youtube can be sold after less then 2 years running for over 1 billion dollars. Isn't that insane? It's worth over a billion dollars, and that was a while ago, its worth way more now.

I feel like an asshole because I'm thinking I may not go to one of my friends parties and she obviously really wants me to go but in the end we probably wont even spend that much time together, its like an hour away and I dont really know any of the people that are going to be there. I just don't know how to tell her that I probably won't be coming. I dont want to be douche bag, nahm sayin?

Well I think I'm going to pass out. I'll see u

Case of the Mondays

Monday night. Tired.

I picked up a new set of speakers for my room. They're awesome so far. You know I definitely kind of wish I had a single right now, most of the time I dont really mind I guess, but sometimes I want it. Like right now I wish I could blast my music, I want to just jam out or relax to my music blasted though. But I feel like, what if he doesn't want it that loud and shit you know? Its annoying, and you know if I ask of course he'll say yes because we're both just like that too nice. I think about living by myself completely a lot. Getting one of those apartments down the street, studios, like 700 a month. Probably like 800 or more with utilities and cable and everything. But it would be nice, and then I could get a dog lol. I really want a dog. I realize thought that I wanted a dog more before when I was lonelier, im not qite as lonely now. Things are still going well for me.

I've been tallying up the girls that I know I could make my girl friend If I really wanted to. I'm at 2 lol but I think I may be approaching 3 based off of some new knowledge. I'm going to try to make this list grow, the more girls I have on there the more likely I find one that I will actually want to make my girl.

So I did really bad on my Management exam, but I did really well on my operations management exam. I'm still waiting on exams in a few classes and I have one more exam to take for my midterms to be done. I really love this CD, its the 'Once' soundtrack. Great great CD. Mesmerizing. Both musicians really bring a ridiculous rawness and emotion to each song that you don't find in so much music nowadays. So many bands use so much electronic modification and touching up and don't leave the realness of the song to be had(I enjoy this music too) but 'Once' lets it be and its awesome!

I made reservations for me and the old crew from my fav job ever to grab some dinner. Im pretty excited, we havn't all been together in who knows how long. Atleast since last january... Almost a year its crazy. I miss um, I miss it. It was my jam, the greatest life I had I feel like. Personal opinion. But who knows, I feel like I was somewhat unhappy then to, just in a different way. Being there was always great. Isnt that wierd, like being at a job was the best. But it wasn't really a job, it was like hanging out with you're friends, drinking, getting starbucks, gambling, laughing, god and I never really took it for granted either. Normally, when you have something good you take it for granted, but at that time I knew how great it was. I'm just in one of those moods right now.

I tried to cook tofu with corn starch, didn't work out too well, I think I'm going to look up a recipe and figure out a good one. I just burnt the garlic too much I feel like, and the tofu didn't take enough of the flavor. I really need to get some soy sauce or timari. I need ginger lol now that I'm looking at some reciepes and some bread crumbs will do me well also...and more oil. I'm hungry, but I did eat a full meal about 4 hours ago. Definitely a good full meal, and I just had a slice of cake...I'm a fatty. But I have resolved to go to the gym daily, I went yesterday and today and I'm going to keep up with it like I used to. I'm going to try to write a song of sorts.

Its been real

This weekend has been real. This week has been real.

Let me tell you about my weekend so that I can even remember it, it flew by and not too much exciting occurred but it was definitely fun.

Thursday: I actually did not want to go out for once. I just didnt really feel like it which is wierd, and its not because I'm depressed or something, I just wasn't in the mood. Cool huh? An Alchy like me. Stayed in, passed out pretty early and just watched some TV and shit.

Friday: This was a really cool night, drove up to CT with my friends and we went to see a show in New Haven. Of course I drove(my friends car lol) and it was like 4.5hrs there and 2.5-3 back or so. Not short when its 3am. I was a bit dissapointed in Trivium who I used to be a pretty big fan of but I feel like they we're almost trying to hard or not being who I thought they were from their album. Very full of themselves. Then All That Remains went on. Let me tell you, they were so awesome! It opened my eyes to how good they really are, catch riffs, head banging craziness, I actually went into the pit and went wild because I just really felt the music.

The wierd thing about metal is that, the feeling that it gives you is truely the feeling to go tear someone apart. Is that wrong? I dont think so, but its probably not for everyone, and I think that's something that I have to realize. Because I feel that everyone should love it because the feeling is truely empowering. I love it. Its not like going to a John Mayer or Coheed concert( two musical acts that I also love.) Its a different type of experience. So as a last word, if you like metal please check out All That Remains because they are totally awesome.

Finally,
Saturday: Good day? I'd say so. you know I had a lot of friends around on this day which always makes me feel good, and friends from all over. It makes me feel good to know that my friends from home still want to hang out and all that because its been so long since I have truely been home. So at 12noon Hanna shows up to my crib, they're are a bunch of people drinking because the RU game was starting(I literally woke up 11:45 and had two beers and a bagel for breakfast ha). Hanna and I of course went to go get bubble tea her favorite shizzle, and went to the mall to find her some shoes. Its fun to hang out with her, shes always good to hang with and talk to, and shes cute too so that always makes things good right? Then troy and austin met up with us and hanna had to bounce and we went back to my crib. Same kids were there drinking still haha, and we just kept drinking til like 7. Played some pong, ate some good food, and hung out with those kids who I havn't really hung out with in a while from school. The affection I get from some of these people is always great for me, I need it since I dont have like a steady girl, I need something. At the show friday I saw a lot of girls hanging on their dudes and it made me really crave that, I miss that. Anyway, they left and I took a nap(tried to atleast beacuse other people came and it was loud). Got up and max and 'neal?' came over, I'm really bad with names I've known this kid for like 3 or 4 years and dont remember his name. But they're both awesome to hang out with and really good to talk to. And thats that, passed out really early(well for a saturday like 1) and here I am.

I realized that one of my roommates(and not just one but one imparticular) is very much in my situation. Has friends but always kind of ends up alone somehow at the end of the night, and she's one of the most beautiful girls I know. Makes me feel bad for her because I feel like it makes her doubt herself, when she shouldnt. I think I should tell her that one day. So it has been real. This was an extremely detailed post. I dont usually go into so much detail I feel like with names and all that. I think I realized that its just like fuck it, this is me, this is my blog and if a friend finds it thats what happens, and it is what it is.

I think I'm gonna leave it there for now. And I'll hit ur ass up later. Peace.

Slam

Weekend.

Things were good this weekend. Had a lot of fun, and too much beer, and too much Keystone Ice.
Keystone Ice, let me make some suggestions for anyone considering drinking this beer. Don't. The next morning - late afternoon you will feel so terrible, it will make you so unproductive, stick to keystone light and just drink more. It will make a noticible difference. Trust me.

So I have been continuing to talk to the Ex, its been fun, its been interesting and brings back a lot of feelings and it feels like we've always been talking. You know? I know that if nothing we can be good friends for sure, I feel like I want to be there for her, and that she will be there for me in the future. And thats important to me.

Next, religion again. I have another note to make. Religion is too large of a player in this presidential race, and in our world. It scary. Its dumb. Think about it. All religion is there for is to make people feel better about themselves and their death. And the death of others. So fuckin dumb. It makes people dumber, it makes people put their blind faith into some rediculous ideal. It ruins people, and instills prejudice. Think about gay marriage, think about slavery, major wars, on going oppression, all created by religion. It attempts to legimimize the most rediculous things. It is what it is I guess though.

Watching pearl harbour. this is a pretty good movie. Isn't it wierd that Japan was such a large enemy of ours, we went from destroying them with the A-Bomb to protecting them with our army because they have no standing army of their own. A very honorable thing in my oppinion. I feel like im mispelling alot of things, but it is what it is. This girl in the movie is so cute, who is it?

I really have to make a legitimiate promise to myself to go to the gym and start running because I am slowly gaining weight, and being fat is one of my worst fears. I never understood how people were able to allow themselves to become so overweight and im not even close to being overweight but I need to get back to a six pack. Big time necessity. The more I fuck the more I lose wieght haha so I should fuck a lot too.

Talks.
I had a really good talk with my mom and with my roommate this weekend. Breakthrough talks you know? You know what you are talking to someone and you know that you connected with them on a new level, doesn't need to be to large a step but they let you in just a little bit more, and you let them in just a little more. I really enjoyed these talks, I think it will help me help them more, and vice versa most likely. Theres that much less to be known about eachother and that much more that can be learned. I actually learned surprisingly that my mom was pregnant before she got married, she was pregnant with my sister before my parents were married and did mention that that was certainly a factor in their marriage. No wonder, two children, and thirteen years later they divorced. They dynamic of my family is very interesting. My dad is his own person, my mom wants to be like other people, my sisters are both angry and happy, both so similar that they can't get along, and I have my own oddities and inticacies that stop me from being close to many, but do allow me to be close to all of my family members. Immediate family atleast.

I have to get ready to go to class now so I'm going to do that. Ill catch u soon.

Earnest Makes Run

A whole new name. I don't know exactly what made me choose this name, it doesn't really have an exact meaning but I will come up with one, it represents my initials.

Market Watch
I'm watching a CNBC right now, 'Fast Money'! Boy is shit going crazy right now. It worries me, but at the same time, I'm confident that we will be bouncing back fairly soon. It's surely not going to be quick, but over a few months I think we will see markets stabilize and bounce back. I began investing more money actually. My portfolio is down 33%, but I can't let that stop me, I see all of this as an opportunity, everything is so down! Its like buying anything else cheap, cars, food, clothes, except instead of just stocking up this will end up worth a lot more then I purchased it at within a year I believe. I'm betting that I will be back up in two months from today.

Life Watch
My life is now stabilizing and will soon up turn again. I had sex with a new girl this weekend. Slam. Slam is my new word. So thats pretty good, it only happens so often haha, and im knocking down that to do list. Hopefully I'll get another girl this weekend(maybe tonight) or I'll get another one by next weekend is my certain goal. I attempted to write a few blogs but I got distracted. I feel that my game is at an all time high right now, and I believe its on the rise. I'll draw a graph when I get on my computer and post it up here. Day by day I see how girls really just want to fuck. They want to hook up, just like dudes do. My roommate(a girl) said a week ago before going out, "Can I make out with someone tonight?!" of course she can. Why not? And you know what making out leads to. Food. No, no, sex, duh. So, I'm pretty much banking on that theory. I just signed up for Twitter, under this name Earnest Meets Run, look it up, 'follow' me. I think I'm going to start spreading my seed around to all these social networking sites. They really interest me. They're fun, I read how they have surpassed porn, and that they 'are' porn. I believe it, its self gratification I guess. So what, I like being gratified lol. I'll tell you I do this more often then I do HW. I should be reading for class that I have in 50 minutes right now...but I'm not. I'll still get a 3.5, I believe I will. I'll do it.

I looked back to my old blogs a while ago, they really are all about the same thing, in the back of the day it was about girls, and my job, now its about girls and my life. Which was my job ha. I loved that job. But I wanted to specifically note about a blog I wrote about a year ago titled, "Out of Mind" experience. I haven't had any out of mind experiences any more. I used to have them consistently and now I no longer have them. I'm curious of what that means, no longer really viewing my life in that way. Anyway, I'm outtie mctoutie. I'll write again soon, don't you worry.

Girls, Girls, Girls

I dont remember what the last situation I wrote about last time. But anyway, I realized this week, and I do realize this from time to time but it is certainly even more clear now. There are so many sluts in this world, and at my school, and outside of my school, all grades. I mean, so many. And I'm not trying to put them down, do what you do, just live. Fuck, I'm trying to slut it up some more. I realized also that my game is at an all time high right now and it is only going to get better. I'm happy about that and ready to go out and give it another whirl with some more ladies. Obviously things are going pretty well lately, but I still do not have any real solid friendships or anything unfortunately. I have a few good friends but I really do think I need to expand my friendships with current friends and find new ones.

I worry a lot about pregnancy and getting STD's, and I dont think about it when I'm fucking haha. Its so dumb lol. But I'm not exactly trying to wait for marraige or anything. Hopefully I'm clean and I don't impregnate anybody. I really really hope. You know whats weird? We talked about religion a little while ago, and obviously I'm not religious at all. So why anytime that I need something that is out of my control do I immediately resort to praying? I'll think, man I pray shes not pregnant, or whatever. Please god help me blah blah. I mean I shouldn't be thinking that If I don't believe in a god necessarily...But I don't exactly not believe that there is a greater power or energy in the world, something greater then all of us. And this is what I may be kind of calling for. Its out of my hands, so who can I turn to? Only something greater.