You know its wierd

Life is just wierd. My life is wierd., I fuckin messed up tonight at work, and last week at work was wierd, and I just feel like quiting. My roommates fuckin married to this chick and she's cool but it fuckin sucks that they are always around always. Sigh, who knows, how did my life turn out this way? Its surreal, its wierd, I feel like the characters on lost. How did they turn up there, how did I turn up here? Sorta wierd how I did get to this point, I remember what led me here. Its all got to do with money and a girl. Mostly a girl. I had to get away, and I did. Too far away. But I found something in the process,something I loved, and hated, and now I am just stuck in something that I regret. Somethere far from where I want to be. But I have to be. I hope I find my way out of this soon. I know this is all very ambiguous but for me it doesnt matter because I only really write this for me. I can read it and understand, if you read all of my blog you may be able to decifer this. Over time I have spoken much about this girl, and work, and life. How it all fits together. Not easy, and very hard, I do not know where I am going to go from here, you know? Where am I headed after this semester? For the summer? Probably not the beach with my college buddies like last year. Probably lots of work, and fun fun fridays with my coworkers and such. Wierd how you are already friends with people you work with, its so easy to be friends with them...and often times, all you can find to discusss, is work. Why is that such a solid base for a friend ship. I'm not really so sure. I lover writing these because they make me think really deeply about my position and i get dragged around through many aspects of my life, I think I might theme every blog from this week, we'll see. I am tired and going to sleep. Laaaaater.

I need to reflect

This week really does require quite a lot of reflection. A lot happened, and a little happened, and too much happened, and too little happened, my life was good, and my life was terrible. I was on the top and on the bottom, I don't really know. I am working so hard its not even funny, I must have done atleast 80 hours this week, I didnt go home for spring break, or hang with friends, or celebrate easter, I worked. Every day. Thats too much. But the fact is, I worked that much because I wasn't seeing results, and I need to see them. If I dont I have to work harder, and now I just need to work even harder, but I can't so I dont really know where to go with this. I'm getting really frustrated. I actually went backwards from where I was. Backwards! After all that work. This is in the internship by the way. After all that I ended up with a cancellation! AHHH so frustrating. Hm anyway. I dont feel like talking about that anymore. You know what imporant to me, girls. I can't figure out how im gonna find a girl that I like. You know whats wierd. I think for the first time I am genuinely happy for someone when I should be upset. I hope that means that I'm growing and maturing. I just got to get to bed im so fuckin tired and ready to sleep, I don't feel like having my roommates back, I dont feel like going to class, exams suck, lifes wierd, I want a girl, that I like a lot, good night.

I thought it was a good day

I was looking out of the crowded bus today, listening to music, and just looking through the trees at the sun. It was so beautiful out today and it really made for a good day. It made all of the walks between class and meetings and everything so pleasant. It enhances life quite a bit. I met with zack today, had a good meeting. Over viewed the weekend. I had a fairly successful weekend I would say. Booked a job, did 7 estimates, and we got 19 leads. My marketers do such a great job for me, but its hard to afford them. Working at daryl has not even covered the cost of marketers yet. Well, hopefully everything runs even better next week. Im pumped cause I have Zach coming out with me to 3 estimates this weekend. Its good to have him come out cause I guess it gives me an excuse to not book it. If hes there then I am not to blame for not booking the job. I just realized that thats the reason. But really even more importantly it give me a better chance at booking it I feel like. I mean he wants to book me a job bad since he didnt the first weekend so hopefully we book all 3 this weekend and I'll be so happy. I mean if we book one of 3 ill be pumped and then hopefully I can book atleast one more from next weekend,and one from last.

I have been thinking non stop about girls, honestly it haunts my thoughts. I just want a good girl. Someone to chill with. I would make room for her in my schedule and cut things out. I just want to have someone to connect with. Currently, I need that connection more then ever. I realized that I am back to junior year of high school.You know? I thought that I had never been in this type of position before, but I have. Junior year I had no solid friendships, plenty of friends but nothing super strong, I never really do anyway, but I also had no girl and pledged that the next girl that shows interest in me I'll date. And I did that, and it turned out great. I can't do that now though. I need a stong relationship. Someone I can really connect with and talk to, and have sex with of course. Hm, its interesting how everything works out. Here I am, 17 years old. I am just much more ambitious and driven then I was, I push myself to my limits instead of being bored. Its good, but I'm also ready for that vacation. Ready to hit europe. Get drunk. Smoke. Have fun, be a kid. I spotted some Wendy's cups and bags sitting down in the parking lot, and it just reminded me of when I was in HS going to Mcdonalds and taco bell and eating in the parking lot on a nice day. And just having aimless nights and days, who cares what we're doing now, cause we dont know where we're going after this. Once we had a hide and go seek game in our town! With cars, just for fun. It was such a good time, and a waste of time. I mean, I want to have more time for those wastes. Less for work. I'm gonna bounce cause my bat's dying. I'm gonna shower and get to bed. <3